The last two days have been tough. I have gone back to having that ache/pain in my chest. I vacillate between just filing for D b/c she will not respect my boundaries (there is no transparency, she does as she pleases, still keeps secrets from me, etc.) vs. continuing this process of detaching and GAL. Ironically, she seems to be detaching from me. No texts to me (except she will copy me on texts to/from our D10), does not appear to want to be around me, etc. This is probably a good thing anyway b/c it helps me to detach more.
I realize that my good days and bad days rely heavily on my interactions with her. That clearly shows that I am not detached. In an odd way, I am coming closer and closer to be OK getting divorced and moving on. I know I will meet someone else. But I feel so bad for my kids. They don't deserve this. Our kids are so great. They do well at school, have great friends, love sports, etc. I know a D will throw them for a loop. Sure, plenty of kids survive a D just fine so I know it can be done.
Maybe I am rushing the process. She asked for the D back in early June and has not asked for it again or pursued anything sort of S. But she is not committed to this M either. I think that if I could GAL more and detach more, I would be able to weather the storm of limbo a bit longer. But I also know that I am giving her no reason to stop the A and be transparent with me. Do I need to file for D to enforce my boundaries? I have a call with my DB coach on Thursday and plan to ask her this question as well.
Me: 40, W: 40 M: 15, T: 18 D - 10, S - 7 D announcement 6/7/2014 A discovered 7/20/2014 (but denied by W) Still living together and sharing same bed
