Can I get her back??..

[LoveMyW]

Keep in mind as you look through the various signatures on these boards that 8 weeks (which is almost the exact length of my situation) is nothing (although I can attest that it feels like forever). Whatever our various Walk Away Spouses are going through, it is obviously a major crisis in their lives(if not THE major crisis in their life), and really, in that context, 8 weeks is not very long at all.

I agree.. 8 weeks isn't much time overall (especially when the rest of our lives together are at stake), and as much as she isn't showing it on the outside, I will bet that she can't be feeling as "carefree" and "problem-less" as it comes across.. My W is a VERY headstrong person (part of the attraction!!) and she wouldn't show the hurt to me (or anyone else for that matter)..

I agree with raliced. 8 weeks, in the scheme of things really isn't much BUT I will say that 2.5 months since BD for me and there is a LOT more clarity in my day-to-day life. Almost like I was in my own "separation fog". Now I am calm, don't cry really, I am not angry and I see very clearly what the issues are, how to fix them (specifically for some and generally for others), what I want to do differently, etc.

There is freedom in separation, as much as it hurts. It really is a gift of time and I intend fully not to waste one single minute.

Granted, my WAH is NOT nutty and behaving like a lunatic like some WAS are on this board so I am fortunate in that department. Also, it is pretty clear to me that I was NOT a fun wife to have. I know that and I hate it but I am committed to never being that person again. Easy to say, hard to do.

SS, I am starting to see some clarity myself now, but some moments are worse than others.. Funny enough, I haven't been angry over the situation.. I guess this is because I have sought IC to control myself better (not that I was out of hand), and have tried to show nothing but kindness and compassion to my W and kids..

I will also agree with you that my W isn't half as bad as some of the things I read, and at least w have good communication (which is why I have chosen LC over NC).. I can't wait to move closer to the kids as it will give me a better chance to GAL, because as much as I'm trying now, there isn't much to do where I am currently located!!..

LoveMyW,

Taking off the ring, changing Facebook name, changing hair style are all typical WAS behavior. The behavior exhibited is equal to a 16 year old spoiled brat that wants the single life fun, but the married life stability and financial support. The thought process of a WAS will be inconsistent, dramatic and will change suddenly.

Do not get hung up on what they say, because again they're 16 and rebelling against mom and dad (you). The actions can sometimes show their old self but for my situation this was almost as unreliable as the few, choice words my soon to be ex-W used.

As for my situation, my ex is bi-polar, is currently living/using some dude she works with and last I heard was using cocaine. This was not the first time and will not be the last as she burns through friends and acquaintances, sometimes a WAS needs to get kicked around to really appreciate what they lost.

You seem to love your W and your M, go for it. I gave up at the mention of cocaine, drugs are a no game.

Riley, fortunately she hasn't changed her FB name, only relationship status!!.. Yes, I understand what you are saying about acting like a spoiled brat, and now that you have said it, that is almost exactly what it is like!!..

I'm trying not to take to heart what W says but sometimes it strikes a chord.. I guess that boils back to "believe nothing said, and only 50% of what you see"..

IF she does start dating, I really hope that she doesn't get with a dropkick who will hurt her, but it may be what is needed to show her that thing in the M weren't so bad.. I'd never wish it on her, or allow it to happen for that matter, but I see what you are saying..

Yes, I do love my W, and I will go for it.. I have to remind myself that it is going to be a marathon..


Thanks for the comments and goodwill today guys!!.. My head is in a better place than what it was earlier so thanks for reading/listening to the rant!!.. I used to work in a high pressure job where I dealt with hardened people, and had to put up with physical and mental pain on an almost daily basis, but this separation stuff is more than anything I have ever dealt with before!!..