I'm still here. I think my latest post got deleted during the server update. Anyway, I've really been struggling here with what the right approach is here.
I know that I do not want OM in my wife's life - that faithfulness, openness and honesty are fundamental values that I want in any relationship.
So the DB in me tells me that I should weigh this out, continue to love my wife, go on dates, stay positive/upbeat, and to not bring up OM in hope that the changes my W sees in me will cause her to want to leave OM. This was the approach that I took about a year ago (minus some screw ups here and there).
The other side of me wants to talk to my wife about this. I feel that going down this road will cause whatever progress has been made to go down the drain real quickly and I doubt it will cause wife to want to end friendship with OM. This approach seems to be the quickest way to divorce.
That said, it bothers me that see is still with OM and I don't know what will give the marriage the best chance in her leaving OM for good. Do I weigh this out and hope she changes like DB teaches or do I need to smell the roses and realize that she probably will never leave OM, even if it just a friendship?
I've been thinking about what pilot said in a previous post about outwardly getting alone with wife while still continuing the affair. We are at a place where we've been consistently having good conversations, doing things together and spending time as a family. She lets me massage her at night but still no intimacy or any of that loving baby talk that couples do when they are in love. She does call me by my pet name and will tell me she loves me but only if I tell her that first. Yet, she continues to confide in OM, go to lunch with me and worse yet, is moving in the same department as he is. So for me, it is hard to move on when OM is still in her life and that she is still very secretive with this (she even brought a safe and told me it was to keep me from getting into her stuff).
I want my marriage to be saved and I love my wife, but it is hard to see a long term future with trust and intimacy (not just physical but emotional also) when she continues to confide in OM even if it is under the guise of just being friends. I know that OM is a boundary I want to have but is it wise to enforce that boundary now and risk the marriage altogether vs giving her more time, etc.
