Snowballs get bigger as they roll down hill!

[sjallda]

Yes I started Db last jan and at first things were going real well right off the bat, but after only two weeks he said I was fake, a liar, and that he doesn't believe that the change was real or that it would last.

And I do struggle with reasoning with him to try to get reassurances from him, my Db coach told me this is my biggest problem and I try each day not to ask questions (since he hates them) , and not to hover around, not to hang onto h with conversation, not to argue, basically not to do any of the things that trigger anger from h.

The thing with our r is, one week might be good, the next very bad, and when h gets angry he punishes me by ignoring me for weeks at a time.

some days he hates me, some days he loves me, sometimes we go away on a trip, sometimes he ignores me., and more often than not he is insulting, disrespectful, and wants to be as far away from me as possible.

Back and forth like this has given false hope more than once, and I forget to follow the rules when he looks like we're on the right track. But I never forget to show empathy for his feelings no matter what.

My h indeed has dropped bomb after bomb, disrespected me in front of not only our dd but my entire family on a trip very badly.

Told me at least three times he wanted a divorce, told me he's done!

So I feel I have for the most part letting him spew hate and anger at me for almost a year, and I have not fought him back, or argued his feelings away, which has worn me down.

Db coach gave me homework, to pull back on our interaction together, stay busy with gal and 180's, and the most important thing was to never allow h to cuss at me or disrespect me without telling him that's not ok, and to leave the room when it happens.

I am tired, and I fight the resentment that is building up with each day I try to be a good person, a kind person, and an apologetic person. I'm sorry that I rejected h years ago, I'm sorry I didn't noticed the damage, I can't go back and change anything. I m also sorry h doesn't see his drinking influenced my behavior at the time.

The rejection was my way of telling him his drinking was not ok, but it didn't stop the drinking, it caused him to feel unloved and he is bitter with a huge wall up.
I indeed need to do a better job at my gal, sandys rules and 180, and I need to keep them consistent

Thank you for some insight. .