Hi all, I’ve been having a tough time recently. I have been feeling really sad about things. In part, it’s triggered by how much I love being around D2. We’d a lovely weekend together and on Sunday I had my mum and dad over for tea. Handing D2 over continues to be really hard.
But I continue to face the quandary of knowing that WAW is going to be sad (and likely fight) by any reduction in time she has with D2. I don’t want to involve lawyers. But I guess that position may feel right to revisit if WAW proceeds to formalise our separation into a divorce. The increasingly likelihood of that is also very confusing and sad for me. It seems so foolish and WAW is not a fool.
I asked WAW to have a coffee and she ignored the request. I thought it was unfriendly and it hurts that she continues to harbour so much hurt and or fear.
My sister has also recently had her second child. Despite them being good friends in the past, WAW didn’t contact her at all about it. Also sad/unfriendly. I know it is ‘mind reading’ though I think WAW feels pain/resentment about my sister having another child. Not long after WAW left me she talked to my sister. It was a lunch when she said I was abuser – she has that Lundy Bancroft book. She also said she was sad because she’d never have more children. It’s been the only time she’s opened up to anyone I know about her feelings on the situation and I was grateful that she did (and told her so via email). I also immediately started efforts to address this bad behaviour. I’ve come a very long way on addressing that. I understand that it’s not acceptable to blame or project my negative feelings on to others. I also have taken on more responsibility for negative feelings – seeing the importance of exercise and family and friends in my life (verses, loneliness and exclusive focus on work & money).
That said, it’s so sad to me that she’s clinging onto this abuser picture of me (irrespective of everything I’ve done). Not only is it an over simplification of our situation, it keeps her trapped in what appears to be an unhappy life. I know that it’s her journey and I respect that. I do feel anxious about the effects on D2 and how it might impact D2 in the future. And obviously, as I love WAW it’s tragic that I can’t help her find a way to peace and happiness.
I guess I’ve just to keep on being kind and positive. I’ll probably go darker too. I think this is sub-optimal because I think as we’ve a daughter it would be good to get better at talking during “peace” times, so we can be more robust when there are difficult decisions. Surely a friendship is possible? But perhaps I’ve just got to relax and go back to last resort technique and detaching.
It’s funny how the sadness comes on in waves. The coffee thing really hurt me as I thought we were making more progress. Perhaps she’s going through something too, and I’ve not lost much ground.
Sorry about all this garbled talk. Thanks for reading.
