The Waiting One (and tired of it)

[Atsbaby]

Back to our “talk.” Clark admitted that he didn’t care anymore, but he doesn’t think he actually didn’t love me. He felt that if I didn’t care, why should he? So he pushed and pushed until I made the comment that I was unhappy. He took that as his out. He refused to work on us and felt that divorce was the only option.

He has made comments of things we need to work on, but strange enough, these are the EXACT same things I said 6 months ago. Amazing at how the brain works. He obviously heard what I said, but didn’t feel the need to react to it until now!

I did bring up MC. He’s still very against it. It could just be where he still is. I won’t push it for now, but we really need to go. Which caused me to go to OW conversation. I shouldn’t have, but I needed to. I put down the boundary. He agreed. Clark did say that if she was in the picture, he couldn’t focus on us…WHAT? I think a few pieces are clicking, but not all the way. I mentioned him “dating” her while we are married. “She’s just a friend. She is the girl version of buddy. It was someone to do something with.” Clark, please look up the definition of dating! I began to debate him, but stopped myself. What’s the point? Why “date” your wife when you can “hang out” with another woman who probably has more baggage than I do?

I did find out OW has a 3S. Really? You want to hang with her and her S, but forget about your own kids!! I know I’ll never understand the logic, but hello? Ok, moving on. It means nothing. Which I did bring up to him about her “love note.” His response, “I can’t control how others feel about me.” True, but you lead her on! I’m done. It’s out of my system. No more OW talk!!

Clark is trying to connect. I do see it, but this is where I really need to re-read DR from a new set of eyes. I need to read the infidelity chapter. I do believe him when he says that he hasn’t slept with her. As for making out, nope. I asked about the emotional connection and he said it was different. It wasn’t anything to him…good. Let’s keep it that way.

We also talked about him keeping his phone locked. He said he felt this was his only privacy because we share everything else. I told him that trust was gone and that I really do want to trust him, but can’t. The next morning, Clark was joking with me about getting up early and going through his phone. I came back with I can’t because it’s locked. He shut up quickly, but a few minutes later stated that as we slowly move forward, that will change. Get them out of your system, yes them. I’m sure there is another woman, but again this is just another “friendship.” I feel that this door may be close to closing…the OW, because he does want to try (OK, really, I’m done. They’ve taken more of my time than they need). Other aspects of replay are still present…like spending money, but things are changing in a good way. I just need to be patient and let the process happen.