Oh Boy! I swear I'm so bad at reading what is going on with my W anymore.
So, after the 2 times I have spoken and seen my W over the last couple days, I find out that there is a reason for all this. My lawyers office called and although I only got a message, it looks like my W is playing hardball about the house!It's so bad that my lawyer wants to set up an appt. to speak with me and he's already been paid. He charged me a flat fee so for him to want to take time out and see me that is not good. I swear, my W is just so different than the person she used to be. I know she is in crisis, I know she is wanting what she wants and wants it now but I just don't get her.
First, "I'll never get a D"...this lasted 25 YEARS. Than, "I want a D, and I don't want to try". This lasted a few months. Than "I think it would be best for us to just separate. I know people that have been separated for over a year and it works for them" (at that time she gave all kinds of reason why it was better from money to the kids). That lasted a month. Then it was "I went to see a lawyer because my dad "made me" and I decided to file. But don't worry you don't need a lawyer of your own because we don't have anything much to split up and you can have the house". Than came the taking everything SHE wanted, putting my D14 in the school that was close to her even though it's 30 miles away from me, the freaking out if I just asked to keep something that we bought during the M. Then came her "Final Decree" where she offered to "allow" me to live rent free in the house until D14 was "18 and a day" and then sell it and she gets half.
I'm so disgusted with her behavior, who she has become, what is important to her and what means nothing. The fact that she will not even slow down and doesn't care even a tiny bit that she is hurting me, her kids, heck, herself. She won't even talk to me about what is going on with my d14's school. It's like I'm just this thing that's in her way. I read on here all the time where WAS's at least speak to the LBS. They are decent to them at least some of the time. They actually make attempts to "co-parent". My W won't even say thank you or acknowledge anything I do for her or D14. She is totally caught up in herself and her father. Oh, I just found out that her father has been "disciplining" D14 when he stays with my W. The man doesn't have the right to do that nor is he in a position to tell her how to act considering the kind of person HE is.
I guess what I'm saying is that my W has been in her MLC for at least a few years. By this time I would think that she would at least made some progress seeing that me and her M may not be the thing that has caused her so much pain and unhappiness but that's just not the case. I now am starting to think that there is no hope that I will ever see her as anything but someone that I would rather never have a thing to do with again in my life.The thing is I will need to deal with her in the future. There will always be times where we will need to see each other and important times at that. Someday my D's will get M. I don't want to make that an awkward time for them where they have to worry about if mom brings a date or dad does. Have to keep the families apart, etc. I so wanted, if it had to happen, that we could do this in a way that we could avoid any of the usual crap that comes along with D and my W said the same. But, just like everything else, she says one thing but does another.
I'm not spinning here, so don't get that idea. I'm just tired of having to deal with all that my W has caused. Having to always be responding to her latest "change of heart". Having to put up with knowing she is not doing what is best for my d14 and knowing there is nothing I can do to stop her. I'm starting to think maybe I should just sell the house "as is" if I can and give up the fight. I just am so tired and I know for sure that my W will never stop, never change, never be able to see past herself at what may be best for everyone. If I could I'd do like Heather and find a job far away and move there with my D's and never have to see my W again.
This is more or less a vent. A statement that no matter what I do to change, my W will never see me as anything but a block to her joy. She won't be happy until does everything she can to erase the last 26 years like they never happened. Until nothing is left of all the hard work of the last 20 years. No home. No family. Nothing at all. That makes me so unhappy and I really just no longer have faith in anyone. If my W, the person who I gave so much of myself to, worked so hard for can do this, can become such a different person, selfish uncaring person. How am I ever going to trust anyone ever again?
