Maybell, I think that, according to Maslowe's hierarchy, if our basic needs are met, we probably should be able to have some level of happiness. Our life certainly included room for that possibility-- for some travel, eating out, time with friends together and alone, deriving happiness from each other's company. But the drudgery and difficulty of every day life with small children got the best of us. (Ex: maybe I wouldn't have minded waking up with the baby every single weekend morning if you had gotten up (2 hours later) at least looking happy to see me and appreciative... and perhaps once in a blue moon offer to reciprocate. He probably thought he did do those things, though.
And I think we both grappled a bit with the changes that marriage and parenthood especially brought to our lives. I think his expectations were a little out of whack, and I know mine were too.
I don't know where I'm at right now. I really don't.
At some point I will reach the point where I'm willing to risk putting myself out there like Maybell did. "How did we get here" is a good question. I also want to ask him, "why do you think its impossible to come back-- so impossible that you won't even try? "
For now, I have to put on my PMA and get through the holidays. If I want the road home to seem paved and smooth-- OR if I want him to know I am doing on on my own, it sounds like I need to accept the invite. For a man who has always had a hard time showing emotion, that was possibly a big step for him to take.
