I have to say I am quite reactive also and have a hard time biting my tongue. People who are stupid and annoying really set me off and I have a hard time not biting their heads off immediately.
I wish I had words of wisdom for you, but the only thing I try to do is shut up and take a deep breath. It's a process... Also I try to avoid annoying people and situations if I can, that way I don't have a million annoyances in my life. That might sound very simplistic but I realized that I have quite a few friends in my life that can be highly irritating, and although I love them I should not spend too much time with them or I become irritable.
Others have said meditation can help with stopping reactive behavior. And of course exercise.
As far as empathy, well, you seem caring and empathetic to ME! You are always helping and giving great advice to people on here. And honestly your H sounds like a bit of a wimp... The PTSD thing still has me flummoxed. So maybe it isn't empathy you need, but just a calmer way of talking with him.
