Wifes severe depression, MLC, and suicide attempt

[Lifes Twists]

So I had court this morning. Another two hours of my life and $600.00 I don't have. My wife did sign the order regarding our children. I was surprised. There are things in it that she fought last year when they were proposed. My attorney found out that her attorney feels his biggest issue in this case will be controlling her father. Her father has his eyes on getting a hold of money from our house. I asked my attorney to now do his best to slow things way down. This is three fold. One it gives my wife more time in counseling both individually and in coparent with me. Second by doing it I am showing her father that he is not in control of this. It will cost him money to keep contacting her attorney. Let him run that bill up. the third reason is I am on her health insurance right now and I need it for a few more months. My attorney agreed that we can now slow it way down. He already put in place a few dates that means the next court date will be in January. Knowing the communication level of her family this means her father will continue to bug her attorney since she has allowed him access. I personally hope that he chokes when he sees the bills. Couldn't happen to a nicer person.

For me, I will continue to work on my health. I will continue to be there for my daughters. I will continue to work on myself and get a life. For now my attorney has advised me not to do any more work on the house.

[Lifes Twists]

I have been reading everyone's posts this week and it feels like everyone is suffering the same mood/craziness. I am wondering if it is the time of year? Kids back to school, days getting shorter, full moon. Like me, it seems a lot are aware they are having crazy dreams at night. Everyone seems a bit agitated and questioning what they are doing.

I know I am agitated. I got confirmation from lawyers that my FIL is causing trouble. I have been told to do no more work on house till things are settled. I have a court order to start coparent counseling which will cost each of us $125 per session. Not being able to work on house now leaves me feeling a bit lost and a need to find other things to do with my time.

I read a lot of us are contemplating where we stand on our divorces. I sometimes want it over now yet feel even when it is done it won't be over. Like some I feel at times a quick resolution will put me in a better place. Eventually I come back around to letting my spouse carry the load as she is the one who started it. I know I have carried the load on so many things for her over the years because of her illness. I realize now that on some of that I may have done her a disservice. I know now that I like to fix things and wanted to make her happy. I know that trying to do so may have prevented her from growing and working on her own issues. I have to let her work on her own issues, deal with her unhappiness and carry her own load. I cannot be there to catch her and carry her when she falters. So, like many others here I get frustrated that I can't fix things and fight with myself almost daily to not step in.

Today I am going to start on getting myself back to a centered place. Figure what I can do with my spare time till I can work on the house again. Today I am going to start moving forward again.

[Lifes Twists]

I have seen a slight shift in communication between myself and wife over the last week or so. She is actually responding to questions I may email or text her regarding the kids. After her attempt she would respond about questions directly to the girls or not at all. Never would respond to me directly. I will not make much of it and will expect it to change. its just nice to have even the smallest of steps happen.

This weekend I am finally doing something just for myself. Tomorrow I am going away for the day, meeting up with friends in another state and hopefully having a good day.This will be the first time in a long time that i have done something that i want to do without worrying about kids or anything. if all goes well I already have an overnight trip planned for next month.

[Lifes Twists]

I hate the good craziness almost as much as the bad craziness.

My middle daughter goes down to the apartment this afternoon to get some stuff she left there. She comes back later with a batch of homemade cookies. My wife baked a batch of cookies and sent them along with my daughter for us. You might wonder why I think this is good craziness? My wife does not like to cook, let alone cook something from scratch. She could survive on yogurt and rice cakes. This is completely out of character for her. She won't even eat stuff like this because if she ate one she might gain a tenth of an ounce extra weight and not feel good about herself.

I hate this because I don't want to read anything into it. I am afraid to think she might actually be thinking about someone else other than herself. This is actually a cosmic shift for her as she never ever did something like this even before bad day as she would not eat them so why make them for others.

It is a struggle to keep myself level as this ride goes up and down.

[Lifes Twists]

Would it be pursuing to send her a quick note thanking her for making the cookies and that I am sure the kids will enjoy them?

It is out of character for her to even have made them in a positive way.

[Georgiabelle]

Life,

You could send a text saying "the cookies are delicious. Thanks for sending them with D." Short and simple.

[Lifes Twists]

What I hate most about this situation is that the spouse is not there when you need to talk through concerns about one of your children.

I have concerns about my middle daughter right now. She does not seem to have the energy to get going right now. I am concerned she is dealing with some fall out from her parents situation. I also feel her boyfriend is dragging her down and is not a good influence.

I wish i had a spouse that I could talk to about these concerns. Someone who I could develop a response with. Someone who had my back while I had hers.

I know this is not possible at this time. I know she has mostly checked out. I just wish she could get even a small idea how this affects our kids.

[Lifes Twists]

So I took a small step with my wife this afternoon and got a reasonable response. Today I smoked a pork butt all day for pulled pork. It was a really nice size piece of pork and took 10 hours to smoke. There is so much pork I sent the wife a text message asking if she would like some sent down for her to have for dinner. I did not expect a response as it was not about the girls. I was pleasantly surprised to get a fairly quick response back that she would like that. I will chalk this up to a check in the plus column. I decided to do this based on advice I got from my DB coach in spring and from what others have gotten as well in trying to establish some level of friendship. It will take a lot of baby steps and who knows if she will respond favorably, but this was a first.

[Lifes Twists]

So yesterday my situation got more difficult. My 18 daughter showed up at the house with his parents. I was to find out she is pregnant. I asked that my wife be called and asked to come over so she could find out and we all discuss it together. She did com over and in the process made a few comments to me that leads me to believe that she feels I am blaming her for this. The boys parents had a lot of wonderful things to say like how my daughter can come live with them, etc. This boy will be 20 next month, quit high school so has no diploma, and is not working. So his parents are blowing smoke up my daughters a## and leading her down a bad path. My wife won't communicate with me and I feel like I am going to have to go this alone like usual and be a bit of the heavy. My daughter and his parents have to understand that I am in no way able to help her financially. I am upset that she will probably give up her college ambitions because of everything his parents are verbally telling her right now. I am also upset that I had a partner in bringing her into this world that has now checked out really.

Not sure what I should or can do.

[Georgiabelle]

Life,

I am terribly sorry you are dealing with his. About a yr after my xSIL left my brother due to her MLC, my niece got pregnant. She was 16. She now has a 2 year and the father has never been in the pic.

I don't have any real words of wisdom for you. However, your D is probably (or should be) scared. I'm not sure what your W can do as she appears to be in such a crisis. However, please know this. I can only imagine hoe disappointing and difficult this is. Your D is 18 and life is about to get much more difficult. You can offer advice, although your D may not listen.

Good luck to you.