I want to figure out WHY I'm so verbally reactive. What am I protecting? Why am I so fast to assume the worst? I really need to explore this and practice more. I wonder though if the WHY isn't so important. I just need to figure out how to stop. Completely.
Is it weird to have a friend push my buttons on purpose so I can practice my responses? I'm kidding. Mostly.
H has stated he wishes I were more empathetic. I wonder if that's where I should start. I definitely lack empathy (but I promise I'm not a sociopath) and I know where it comes from. Boy, there's a lot of work to do here.
Ok, things I'm working on to be a better me:
1. Empathy - Put myself in other people's shoes BEFORE responding and stay there. I need to stop feeling like everyone is always complaining which evokes an internal "eye rolling" response within me.
2. Reactivity - I need to STFU and stop defending pansies with an ooze. The angst in my chest that makes me want to respond with anger and sarcasm and defensiveness usually screams louder than any sense of calm or call toward empathy. I have to figure out what that is all about.
This is where it really begins. I'm on to something big here. This is super hard. Small steps though, so I can REALLY make this part of my personality like you said Card.
