Quote: If your H really wants a boat, and you really want a boat, and OW would sell/give H the boat for a really good deal, how about buy that boat, sell that boat, then buy another boat?
Hmmmm..I thought about this for awhile and then some more. OW did buy the boat for H to begin with and I have the feeling OW didn't do a lot of fishing either. I did mention your idea to H this morning and he kind of rolled his yes and said something about woman not being truthful, i.e., me telling him shortly into our R 11 years ago "that I didn't want to get married, that I wasn't looking for that" BUT of course things changed, my mind changed yet H can't let this go. OW saying she was buying the boat "for something different" so I think H is FINALLY seeing that is why she bought it..duhhh!!
H stopped at his "local saloon" Wednesday after work which he told me he was doing. When he came home he was in a pretty good mood, considering when he drinks he can go either way. H was VERY loving towards S. Me? Well he get's very "loving" towards me too, if you catch my drift. Eventually I got both of my "boys" into bed, and they both fell right asleep. Of course the bigger "boy" was snoring up a storm.
Yesterday, I didn't hear from H all day. Left him a message in the morning to call me, wanted to talk to him about the weekend. He didn't call me back.
I picked up S from daycare and we just hung out at home. I did some laundry, some cleaning, and watched some TV. Still no H.
In my mind all kind of ASSuming was going on. H isn't coming home, he's with OW. If he does come home when will he show up. I had decided to have no expectations, if he came home fine, if he didn't fine I wasn't going to stay up all night worrying about him.
My rational mind was saying why would he go to OW's? H moved back to us and is trying to put OW out of his life, H realizes her games and her "sad stories" as he calls them are just a "ploy to get him there."
So I prayed. I cannot make my H do anything or see anything so I have turned to praying. It's all I can do.
About 9ish H shows up. Said something about drinking Korbel and Coke for the last six hours and that he went by himself, but ran into some friends. I have no idea where he was. Usually he drinks beer, Korbel and Coke is for the times when beer just ain't going to do it! When everything is just TOO much for H.
Well, Cathy, things are TOO much for your H right now... he gave up on OW when he realized (yea!) that that would not make him "happy" eventually he will realize the alcohol won't do it for him either. Keep showing him your new found wonderful faith, stand firm in your faith and he will see where true happiness and joy lie.
Hang in there!
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Thanks again Holdingon for talking me through the boat issue. It's making more and more sense for H to get a boat again. Like I told Holdingon, when H did have his boat he fished a lot, he spent a lot on fishing as he tournament fished. BUT he didn't drink as much and it was something for both of us to do together as there are lakes close by. And it's cheaper than a D, both financially and emotionally.
In fact, today I paid his membership fee for the FWL, for a tournamet divsion so he can fish this summer. He didn't say thank you or anything but it was something I wanted to do. He's going as a nonboater, which means we will not be getting a boat anytime soon, so maybe together we can work on this goal.
I guess my H is always going to look to hunting and fishing as his calling and that to try to change that or discourage that will spell doom for us once again. Now I know better. It was one of the things that initially drew me to him. That he had his hobbies and that would give us both a little space, since I liked to just hang out by myself and do what I wanted to do.
H did say this morning that "I'm going to have to go to OW's (said the town she lived in, not OW's name ) and get the rest of my stuff. I said have OW bring it over. H said she won't. I said have her put it in a box by her door, H said she wouldn't do that either. This is the same woman who made numerour trips over here when H moved out a few months ago. to bring H stuff he had left.
So I said I'll go with you then. H said "why don't you go and get it" I said I will if you want me to. I think maybe H should go alone and just get it over with. I don't think he really wants to go over there and deal with her.
He just left for a hockey game. I initiated a kiss and good bye and I hugged him. I think it suprised H that I hugged him and it kind of surprised me to becuase it was so natural, it just came after the kiss. I think it's because when I kiss our S we always hug, too!!! Good habit!!
Dagny: I stopped at Walmart today and bought some of those cards you were talking about and they are perfect!! Thank you so much for the idea!!
I'm heading to the casino, S is going to my brother/SIL's to hang out while I'm gone. I'll be back later tonight!!
Eventually I got both of my "boys" into bed, and they both fell right asleep. Of course the bigger "boy" was snoring up a storm.
to bring H stuff he had left.