Snowballs get bigger as they roll down hill!

[Card29]

It sounds like you really need to refocus your DB skills. Just because you've been doing it for a year doesn't mean much if you aren't doing it as well as you can. GAL is very hard at first because it feels like giving up. Keep trying and you will eventually start to find yourself again. Only then will you be able to make changes that your H, or another man in the future, might find appealing and want to reconcile with. It also sounds like you are still doing rookie-level begging and pleading. That is not going to work, and will only drive him further into his cave and his bottle.

The alcoholism is also a huge obstacle that must be crossed. You aren't going to build a solid, loving marriage while your H is an addict. Do not buy the fact that he is the way he is solely because of you. He is a grown man and has to own up to his mistakes. Unfortunately for you, the motivated one in the R, it is his battle to fight. You can only be a cheerleader. I have no advice for the best course of action for the spouse of an alcoholic. I will have to differ to vets and professionals. But also, don't ignore the reasons he does blame you for his problems and current state. There is most likely some element of truth to most or all of it. THAT is part of what you should be focused on changing. If you are successful making and sustaining these major 180's in your life, you will be an improved, independent, wise, strong woman that gives your R the best chance of thriving. And it also sets you up to never go through something like this again if it doesn't work out with your H.