Depressed WAW, digging in, learning about myself

[Card29]

Had an interesting moment today. I was at church alone (D2 there, in childcare). The sermon was like he was talking to me. It was a really challenging sermon, saying to not try to hide from your pain, but to use it as God intends it: to learn about yourself, to change yourself towards God's goals for you. I was in a lot of pain at the end of it. As soon as church ended, a man introduced himself and invited me to a small group that was meeting right then in a classroom. I agreed. 6 people in there. 3 of them separated of divorced in the last 8 months. So I had a very interesting, encouraging conversation with them. One woman was actually the WAW and has begun reconciling with her H, after almost a year of S. She encouraged me to not give up hope yet. Coming from a former WAW, that meant a lot. I think I will be attending this group again.

WAW yesterday said she would not be at church but agreed to meet me at gym this afternoon. I was happy about that. But this morning, as I was walking into church, I thought, "I should not expect her to show up." Sure enough, not 5 minutes later, I get a text saying she is not going to gym. I'm thankful I let go of my expectation just before that because it took a lot of the sting out.

After church, I had fully let go of the possibility of seeing WAW today, and I was ready to go about my day. I did not cancel my gym plans, and stuck with them. Then she surprised me by asking if she could hang out this evening for a couple hours. I did not mind read. If anything, I assumed it was to see D2. But I got the house and myself in as good of shape as possible in a couple of hours, bought some ingredients for dinner (a 180 of mine), and was happy and lightly funny while she was here. I didn't cook the food expecting her to eat (I didn't even tell her about it because I didn't want to make the encounter too official. At first she declined the food but eventually she had some after she said it looked really good. That is probably a first in our history as I almost never cooked, and when I did, she wasn't crazy about it.