Unexpected walk-away-husband

[jpLove]

Thanks everyone!
I'm back for more advice, if you don't mind.

Before I found this website and DR, I paid $400 for 4 marriage coaching sessions with Dr. Jack Ito. Long story short, he advised me to be agreeable, to work to allow H to believe I'm on his side so that he can become comfortable around me, and he told me that bc I pushed so hard when he left that it could take months to see results. H seems to not be responding at all to what I'm doing, which I think is understandable because it's only been 2 months since he left me. He is still breaking promises and being cold.

Recently a mutual friend of ours told H that he needs to sit down and have a discussion with me in person like an adult and H told him that he won't talk to me face to face because I'm the most manipulative person he's met. Either he is believing lies that he's being told or he has no clue what it means to be manipulative. I've even researched it a bit to be sure that I'm not manipulative because I don't want to be...and if anyone is, based on my research, it's him. But that little tidbit is beside the point. I ALWAYS let him make whatever decisions he wanted and do basically whatever he wanted without making any effort to sway him.

I've been given advice from approximately 5 different people, two of whom are pastors, that I am being too nice and too easy to get along with. They've told me that I need to start standing up and putting my foot down about some things. The friend to whom H said that I'm manipulative thinks that the reason he thinks that is because he knows that I AM a confrontational person, yet I never confronted him...so I must have been trying to "pull the strings from behind the curtain." I think that idea might make sense.

The whole point that people, like my mom & others, are making is that the advice Dr. Ito gave me is basically what I've always done and it obviously didn't work and didn't make H happy, since he left...so why would it make any difference now? So I'm puzzled. Do I ditch the $400 advice that I was given? Or do I continue for a while and expect that it will take a while to work? Should one of my 180's be going from easy to get along with to setting definite boundaries for myself and my children?

What do you think?