The OMW called me yesterday. I immediately put up my defenses and said that I had nothing to say to her. She only wanted me to listen, so I did. She thinks that her H is coming back to her, and pointed to several new developments in their lives that indicate this is true. The OMW was very upset over the phone because she feels that her H is still lying to her, despite the things he has said and done recently to indicate that he is dedicated to his W. She was so upset that she ended up leaving the house that night with the kids to stay at a friend's house. Her H was confused by her behavior and I think he suspected that she reached out to me. This of course reached my W while the two of them were having dinner celebrating her b-day.
Later that evening my W confronted me and asked if I've been talking to the OMW. I told my W that she called me today. My W asked me what was said. I told her that she was asking questions and I deflected (which is true), and that she told me things that's going on in her own marriage. My W was curious.
I told my W, that it's not in anyone's best interest at this time to reveal further details about our conversation. I told her to just realize that the OM could be lying to you in order to get what he wants.
If what the OMW is telling me is true, then he is playing both women to keep them close because he is on the fence.
My W, of course, was irate that I wouldn't tell her more.
I told her that she's in no position to believe me anyways. I said that she trusts a man she barely knows more than her husband of 15 years, and she'll do anything to defend and protect him.
She said, "If you believe I'm being deceived, then tell me."
I said, "I can't, because whatever I tell you will be relayed to [OM] and he'll go back to his W, which then breaks her trust in me. She will no longer tell me things at that point. I want her to keep feeding me information."
"As long as you put him first, I can't tell you. I'm on your side. Until I feel you're on my side, I can't tell you anything more."
I said, "You're free to continue believing everything about [OMW] through one person's PoV -- a person who is trying to convince you that he loves you more than his W of 14 years and the mother of his children."
"Also, I never asked to be dragged into this mess. You're the one who brought this drama into our family. I'm trying to actually distance myself from all this crap. I don't need it. I have enough going on in my life."
Her reply:
"Here is where my head is. I actually no longer care if [OMW] reaches out to you. It dawned on me that by her doing that, then you talking to her, then me finding out, and talking to [OM] -- nothing good will come out of it. I have decided that I will not ask you to tell me what she said, etc. I don't want to get into the 'he said, she said'. I am an adult who is extremely intelligent and capable of distinguishing lies vs truth. I will manage my relationship with [OM] on my own terms. I don't need outside factors. I never needed outside validation one way or another. At home, I will continue to concentrate on our two beautiful kids. I am starting a new job and I will focus energy on that as well. I will not waste energy on her anymore."
Me: "That's very sensible. I'm proud of you for taking that approach."
"Just like I no longer focus my attention on [OM]."
"The only time I will intervene is if I feel you're in danger."
Her response: "I only ask one thing of you. Don't tell her anything about me. Job, social plans, etc."
Me: "I never have, never will. Promise. I've got your back. In time, you'll see."
M: 15 years BD: 6/25/14 EA/PA: starts 5/14/14 11/30/14 - A ends 5/15/15 - D is finalized. 11/28/15 - Start of new LTR with a wonderful woman (and still going strong)!
