Putting my life back together

[NewLeaf]

The good:
-She's going to my cousin's baby shower next weekend (why? would be so easy to just say something came up, she shipped the gift already, and doesn't even like baby showers)
-She borrowed a book on tape she thought I would like from the library for me
-She's come to my room before bed several nights in a row for a hug.
-She's sent me several non-important text messages and emails this week
-Last night she called me on the way home just talk about something that had come up at a meeting she thought I would find interesting
-She asked me to show her some of the salsa I've learned when we were in the kitchen together last night
-She asked if she should reschedule a stargazing cruise that had been canceled b/c of weather. She had scheduled this originally when she was "trying to find her feelings again", and we haven't talked about it since she asked for divorce. I gave a non-committal, "sure, if you're still interested I'd be up for it." Booking confirmation was in my email this morning. One of our first moments falling in love we were wrapped in a blanket watching shooting stars with some friends, I have zero expectations, but I think it's a positive that she is interested in re-visiting that.

The bad:
She left this morning to fly down to DC for a graduation of one of her Kung Fu friends, and I'm almost certain (though have no proof since I stopped snooping and asking) the OM is going as well. They had been planning to go to this with some other folks from the school since before the affair was revealed. Graduation is in the morning, could easily have come home tonight, but instead staying over and coming home late tomorrow night.

My coach wants me to compete, ignore OM, GAL, PMA, engage her when she initiates and ask questions that show I'm really interested in understanding her. Trying really hard, and outwardly feel like I'm doing a good job, but I can't help but feel like a bit of a doormat on days like today, and I don't want the person I'm becoming to be a doormat.