A long overdue Hello to you, Cathy ... you just might want to consider selling your story to TNT ... talk about drama!!

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Now I'm paying more attention to this behavior, thinking on it. I need to show H on a daily basis that I do care for him, just casual touching, eye contact, smiles just for him, little things for H. Fill up his luv tank. I wasn't very good about it in the past.


... and yet ...
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H then asked "if I cared if he was back/if I cared that he was gone" I said yes I do care that you're back, I'm glad that you're back. H said "no you don't" so I just said "okay" and that conversation ended. I can't convince H that I care, so I wasn't going to argue with him.

Cathy, you're sending all the right signals and yet he's not seeing it! It blows my mind. It does seem like something in particular that he is looking for is missing? He's brought this up several times, so I'm guessing he will again. Instead of just agreeing with him by saying "OK." ... what if ... "I'm sorry you feel that way, but what is it about me that makes you say that?" "What do you think would be different if you felt like I cared for you?" "As I do care for you so, I want to know where the breakdown is, as its not fair to either of us if you're not sensing that I do care." I understand how you want to avoid an agruement, but getting H to interact in a constructive discusion could end up in bring to light a direction you can take with your 180's you can work into little daily rituals that show him you do care.

Maybe it might be something as small as each day when you make eye contact, asking "I would like to know if you are alright?" or just saying, "I want you to know I do care." or "I was just thinking about you." Just a gentle daily re-enforcement you initiate so he doesn't have to bring it up.

... but the more insight you can get from him, the better you'll understand which 180's will work.

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H has been loving towards me, he's thoughtful. He's been initiating kisses good night, kisses good bye in the morning. Told me this morning to have a good day.

This is great news! It means he has made the choice to try at working things out. However, keep in mind this doesn't mean he is convinced it will work out. Basically, at this point he is intuitively acting "as-if" to see if it does come back. So respond as positively as you can to his acting "as-if" like Betsy's & Merridith's Bob Barker personna.

Hey ... the light bulb just went off when trying to think of a response about the boat ... What if you suprised H by buying a bass boat (and obviously a different one than OW is selling) and have it sit in the driveway for him to see ... better yet be sitting in it with fishing pole in hand so when he sees you, you say, "Well what are you waiting for let get this baby on the water!" ? ... (So what if the lakes are still frozen over!)

'til later,
KAW