still holding on - 4

[u-turn]

So all is not as good as it seems - so I do need to step back.

My restless night brought me some different thoughts:

Others have been asked here, what did she love about you? I cannot honestly answer that. I have been a good husband and good father. I don't know if that is what she loved about me.

We met in high school, married fairly young, first child was born 2 months after we were married. We had our struggles. We started with no money and bad jobs, we had financial struggles, but I improved my jobs throughout to improve our lives. I worked a lot when we needed it most. (too much at times and that was an issue).

When it became too much for me, her, and the kids, I quit my job and started a business out of our home. I made sacrifices.

I don't know if she loved me for any of this.

We have been great friends, best friends.

Our love life was good, I think improving through last year. I don't know if she loved me for this.

At one of our few MC sessions in the spring, she was asked what she loves about me. She said I would give her anything and always take care of her and the kids. Is that enough?

She has a good career now, the kids are older, does she know that she does not need me now?

I am thinking of myself and how I can become more like the man she fell in love with.. I don't know what or who that is.

I know what my feelings for her are, but I don't really know her's for me. She says she loves me, and still says it sometimes, but I don't know why or how.