Can't decide

[25yearsmlc]

LITB

Thanks... I haven't had the opportunity to talk with H.

Funny but you hit something dead on. I have always had to temper

what I said to H if I wanted to voice my opinions or frustration

about anything. So that I wouldn't bring on arguments.

was there something in your delivery that triggered arguments? What would HE say to that question?

Often I

would agree with him, even though I really didn't just to keep

peace. I know I should have never started our relationship

like that.

Next week he is taking her to the beach for "Bike Week".

Something we have done as a couple for the past several years.

I am sick to my stomach about it. I told him that I was hoping

we could have worked things out by now so that we could go

together. That I am disappointed about not going.

Have you read the Div Busting book(s)? They offer some good advice about not bringing up the OP and strongly advise against exposure.

Also these comments to him are pure pursuit; is that a choice you are making to pursue him now, or did you not see it as such? I'd urge you to hire a DB coach b/c even though they seem pricey, they are cheaper than divorce is, and they cost about the same as most mc's do who are not on my insurance plan.

I found mine to be a Godsend.


His response

was he didn't think I had a very good time last year. I told him

I enjoyed getting away with him and spending time with him...

No response to that.

Is there any reason he might feel you did not enjoy it last year? Think hard about it. Be brave and do some digging.

Did you complain, or sigh a lot, or argue? Why do YOU think he said that you did not seem to have had a good time?

I guess LITB that I have been so glad we have had a couple of

really good times together- and I want to still see him.

But- as you said before then I am enabling the affair. I am

also "accepting" his sin and his relationship.


I seriously doubt he thinks you are fine with it. I'd bet anything he knows exactly how you feel. And calling it a "sin" to HIM or the kids, will be a huge turn off as he'll say you are judgmental and critical, and that you broke the vows by not cherishing him, and all the rest, etc. So be mindful of your word choices. Besides, it cannot help your PMA to say that about him anyhow, right?

Remember you want to counter his negative views of you, which he used to justify as his reasons for leaving, with new positive behaviors that show him his "data" about you is either false, or no longer true.

What are your 180s?

I know I

shouldn't do that. I guess I'm fearful of H choosing her

over me. Oh how I hate all of this!!!!

\


OF course that is your biggest fear.

So, since we know that WASs' will Not return to a marriage they left,

unless

they believe the marriage can be different/better than before....


what are YOU doing to SHOW him that?

(Not words but actions and behaviors that are new and different in you)?\\\

Becoming a woman only a fool would leave, will benefit you no matter what he chooses. Do you get that?