Things are going quite well. Sunday after ice fishing, H and I went to a movie together. We haven't done that in YEARS! Our snow is pretty much history!
H has been loving towards me, he's thoughtful. He's been initiating kisses good night, kisses good bye in the morning. Told me this morning to have a good day.
I read on someone's thread this morning about "their H's depending on them" sorry can't remember which one. It got me thinking about my H and the way he "depends" on me, "needs" me. It's one of those "light bulb" moments that's stil processing.
We don't have any R talks. In a way it's like H was never gone. We haven't talked at all about last year. I catch myself wanting to ask about OW and the things they did together, his feeings about his life, how he felt about himself while he was away. But don't.
I'm letting H take the lead for now with any R talks. H has never been a "talker" or shared too many of his feelings with me so I'm struggling as to the best way to get H to open up to me. I think H expects me to read his mind and know what he "needs" from me
I know H likes attention, the same way my S does, if I'm not paying attention H/S will act out. In the past I'd blow it off, call my H a child and tell H to get over it. Now I'm paying more attention to this behavior, thinking on it. I need to show H on a daily basis that I do care for him, just casual touching, eye contact, smiles just for him, little things for H. Fill up his luv tank. I wasn't very good about it in the past.
I'm still having a hard time with the MLC stuff. I don't know where he is with that anymore? It's like it's disappeared? Or maybe it's resting beneath the surface, like a volcano and that it'll start to boil again and explode!
Quote: ACCEPTANCE
The Mid Lifer has navigated through five stages of his/her Mid Life crisis by now, and begins into the final stage--Acceptance.
Now, Acceptance is entered in "Stages" Three, to be exact.
Stage ONE involves the disintegration of his/her personality, the "veil" is lifted showing the Mid Lifer EVERYTHING, no holds barred, and he/she realizes for the first time just how much damage has been done to their marriage, lives and spouse. The spouse will be surprised to see "children" surface, as well as "flashes" of the "old" personality, "new" personality, good AND bad personalities. I have described it as similar to schizophrenia, Three faces of Eve, etc.
But, I promise they are NOT crazy, this is what is MEANT to happen, for the Mid Life Crisis extracts a CHANGE, and the disintegration is a part of it, as they are FORCED to look at every facet of their personalities and make some permanent changes. The key to helping them through is to ACCEPT what you see as it comes forth, and don't ridicule or shame them-you will see little kids picking their nose for example--I saw this happen. They will apologize for everything under the sun, and try really hard to make up for the damage; for a little while.
Now during stage TWO of Acceptance, will come the temptations to want to go back to what they came out of. The silence of the spouse is most important during this time-all you can do is be understanding and patient with them as this MUST happen and they MUST come through alone. They will SEEM to be going backward, but aren't, this is necessary for them to move forward. It is during this time they will "revisit" ALL stages of the Mid Life Crisis except Denial and shuts the "doors" to each stage PERMANENTLY one by one, never to return. If they give in to temptation OR get spooked by their final fears, they WILL run BACK into the tunnel a little ways. But they can only run back as far as the doors have NOT been closed permanently; most of the time they just run back as far as WITHDRAWAL, but will continue the process to come out once they feel "safe" to continue. So, they must be allowed to come through WITHOUT interruption, no matter what happens.
Stage THREE involves the "archway" I spoke of in the Stage of Withdrawal-all this time the Mid Lifer has been coming across this open field toward this Archway, where his "final fears" are located and he finally begins to face these fears in full-he may come out of the tunnel and face them BEFORE he/she shuts the door to Depression/Withdrawal or afterwards. But he/she will have to face them, nevertheless, before he exits to begin his/her complete healing process.
It takes awhile for the Mid Lifer to get settled down, even after he/she comes out of stage three of the Acceptance stage-they will experience a final "rebelling" before they settle down for good.
It is much like a teen-ager who has passed into manhood/womanhood-there are still final changes that must be made, especially for the one who has done so much damage during the crisis itself.
But if he/she can settle everything within themselves, their lives should be marked with a sense of peace, instead of the anguish they have known for as long as they were within the crisis. And they will have learned many things concerning life, and will be changed permanently as they will NEVER be the same, ever again.
Not certain on how long it takes to complete, I just know it takes awhile to get things settled once again-possibly 6-9 months or so, and I'm just guessing.
They will SEEM to be going backward, but aren't, this is necessary for them to move forward.
I read this today and maybe he is in the acceptance stage, when he "ran" a week ago? I think he was gone long enough from OW's that going back the last time was DIFFERENT! And H noticed it for the first time!
H doesn't seem as withdrawn as he was up until the last time he left. When he came back he did move back into our bed right away. Said he wasn't sleeping downstairs any more, seeks me out during the night, wants to be close to me.
When we are sitting together like at the movie, I try to have contact with H, just knees touching anything to bring us closer. Haven't been giving H hugs or kisses for the heck of it yet, but in time.
I don't have the fear that H will run again whereas I did before. I am finally at peace in a way that I never thought possible. The anxiety, the fear of the unknown is gone. I don't think I'll ever be as afraid/anxious as I was when this "rollercoaster ride" started many months ago. For one thing I'm off the ride, finally!
I don't think this new me is so noticeable on the outside to people, but on the inside it's very noticeable...to me
and know what he "needs" from me 
