Trying Again

[topgunmb]

I really need some guidance right about now. I'm not even sure which way to go on this and I'm fighting my emotional response so badly.

Today is S's birthday and W and I really haven't talked about what we were going to do. We finally decided on a pool party for him this weekend. She came up today so she could be here for his birthday and picked the kids up from school. Because nothing had been said to my, I thought they would be coming back right away. Half hour past when school was out hits and they're still not home. So, I text W and ask if they were on their way. 10 min later, I get a response "Not right away." So I ask if she knows how long and tell her that I had been excited to see S all day because it's his birthday. I told her it would have been nice to know that she wasn't planning on bringing them back right after picking them up. Her response back was that she would be bringing them back before too much longer.

So, I know this is totally an emotional response, but I can't help but feel upset by this. Earlier this year, she was starting to communicate with me again and it seemed like we were on the path to at least becoming friends. Then, something changed and I don't know what. For the last two months, though, she hasn't been very forthcoming with her communication. I don't expect her to tell me every little thing, but when it regards the kids, I'd like to know so that I can adjust my schedule accordingly. Two weekends ago, she came up and stayed Friday night. I asked her what she had planned for Saturday and she simply shrugged her shoulders and said she didn't know. Saturday morning, I get woken up by my S telling me they're going to go hiking. So, I figure they're going to be out for the day. Fine, I'll do some GAL and spend some time with friends. About 11:00, she texts me and says "I have to leave early today, just so you know." I didn't respond because my initial reaction to it was she was trying to do what she always does and that's make me jump at her beckon call. At 12:30, I get another text from her saying that she wanted to leave at 1:30. I had already made plans for the day and I wasn't really happy that because she failed to communicate with me what her plans were for the day. Normally, I would have cancelled what I was doing and ran straight home. But, after talking with the friend I was with, told her that I wouldn't be able to be back by that time. I wasn't in my car (which was the truth) and that I was a good distance away (not entirely true, but enough that I wouldn't make it back by then). She asked when I could be back and I told her later and then let her know that I had made plans for the day because she hadn't let me know what she was planning. I told her I would try to be back by 2:30 - 3:00. Later, I met up with another friend that I had been trying to meet up with for weeks. I sent her a text telling her it was going to be closer to 4:30 before I got back. I wasn't trying to be a jerk about it, but she hadn't given me a reason for her needing to leave so early. I figured if it was important, she would have let me know. If was just for a social thing, then too bad. She finally told me that she had volunteered for an event that night and needed to be there by 6:00. Why she couldn't have let me know the day before or that morning when she initially told me she needed to leave, I don't know.

Anyway, this is just an example of what has been going on lately. I feel like I need to do some boundary setting when it comes to communication regarding time with the kids, but I don't know how to approach it without bringing the emotion into it.