The WHY? I feel I do that to shut down. So I can protect myself from being judged, rejected, and feeling hurt.
The HOW I feel? When I do that.... I feel safe. Smaller. Invisible. As long as I'm not noticed, no one will expect anything from me. I won't have to "do" anything. So yeah... I feel like I'm in control.
The WHAT? Triggers.....hmmm.... This one is tough to say. I get stuck here. It's a sense of getting into a situation, and thinking, "I'm supposed to_____" (Examples- know this, do this, look like this) Followed by, "BUT I can't because_____" (I'm not smart enough, don't fit in, not capable, forgot something or made mistakes). I'm not yet finding all the words to describe it, but that's pretty close.
T.... I DO NOT LIKE MY LIST. I can see why I need to do it. But, I feel like I'm lying to myself. I mean, I think it's right, but I gotta fight off tons of reasons that tell me otherwise. I'm becoming 'Sybil', lol. Does that happen? Did it happen to you?
