Bomb drop back in March 2012 rocked my world. I fell into minor depression for several months. How could I not? She was my life partner since I was 18 years old. I never experienced a single day of adult life without her by my side as my committed partner. It was nearly impossible for me to even imagine it.

Like most everyone here, I frantically started to fix any and every thing about me that I thought could have caused her to give up on me. I signed up with a (non DB) marriage coach who guided me weekly. I read many books on fixing relationships. I studied about MLC.

I quickly determined what things about me needed improvement, and did 180’s on them. There were plenty of little things, but nothing major. I realized I had not been a complete failure as a spouse, did not need a major makeover, and was relatively happy with who I was. I was lovable and loved myself. Maybe you feel the same way.

No matter what she was saying now, my W really did love me all those years, and still does deep down. How could she not?

I realized that her perception of the M had changed, and that it could change again but would take time. I learned I could not fix her, but also realized I had some power in how things would play out. My actions and words going forward were going to affect this. She would be watching and taking notice, and she was still here.

It took a while, but I figured out that I’d be more than ok on my own if it came to that. I also knew that I could play the bailout card at any time. Having this card in my back pocket actually helped me to stand many times when I felt like giving up. (which seemed to be every few weeks! lol)

Deep down I knew she and our marriage were still worth it. That if we made it through this, we’d have a most amazing relationship. An even more Mature Love that could not have been possible without weathering the most persistent of storms.

I hope that I can continue to be patient as W works through her stuff, because I want to be able to say I gave this my all. I also think she is worth nothing less.

M: A really long time.
Crisis: 5 years.
She's still worth it.

Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl