Keeping the faith..

[Heart14]

I need advice. H and I overall have been doing well. He complied with my requests and was showing me with actions that he was committed to me and our M. In spite of that, I had a rough weekend and he got pretty angry with me. He is going through some really stressful times with family and work and I realize I did not make that any easier by being insecure and emotional. Essentially, my timing was terrible. H reacted badly and pretty much said if you can't deal with it, screw you, I'll leave. That hurt so badly. He's out of town so we agreed to let things cool down and talk about it more when he gets back. I'm angry that his default reaction is "we can't survive this." I want him to say "heart, I know this is painful and some days will be hard, but I love you and we'll get through it together." Isn't this a reasonable expectation?

H was giving me daily updates about his interactions with OW since she is a coworker. Since our fight he hasn't mentioned any and I'm unsure whether to assume that means there aren't any or that he isn't telling me because he's upset. He's traveling so it's possible there are none. I am hesitant to ask because of his stress level. I truly don't want him to run and I know he's extremely overwhelmed with things outside our R.

FWIW, I do realize that living in the painful space is not going to work. I need to let go and focus on the positive improvements we've been making. I have let OW into my thoughts way too often lately. She doesn't belong there. I've been living in fear that every time we have a disagreement or he's vulnerable he's going to run back to her. In reality, I cannot control his actions, only mine.