Good vent, Matt. I know, so frustrating. Try not to get so hung up on what w is thinking and doing. She's screwed up. Nothing we can do about that. Her reasons for insisting d stays with her and she works till 8? Who knows.
Here is the thing: You are there for your d when she needs you. That is major. She will always remember that. Right now, she is 14 and the only thing she thinks is that you should be. Remember, you are giving her security. As long as you continue being there for her, you are making a statement without saying a word.
Trust me, Matt. You are giving her a feeling inside that she does not even realize. If you told her to call her mother and that it's not your time, yadda, yadda, she would have a totally different feeling. D14 knows she can count on you. That's a good thing. She will always know that; she will always remember that.
Your w- well, she is missing out. Someday she will look back and realize that she should have said "NO" to work. D14 is more important and she WONT be 14 forever. That time does not come back. Again, nothing you can do about her... you just be there. You get it. You know it's important.
I'm just going to share this: All spring, xh didn't really have much time for the kids. He made "time" when he had it. Since October (almost a year), I have asked him to do 2 things. I asked him once to pick up s17 from work at 6PM. He waited until 6PM to respond and texted something like, "This is your day, you can do it." What a joke. Every day was "my day" and I did tell him later that I am always a parent, not on certain days. (BTW, on "his" days, I still did EVERYTHING- I don't think he has had dinner with the kids since we went on vacation in February).
The second thing, well actually I DIDN'T ask him (so I only asked for 1 thing). XH said he was going to take the kids for ice cream. D was just about to get out of practice, so when he came to p/u s, I just said he could just get her now.
S was back about 10 min later and was putting ice cream in the freezer for d. I was like, "What the heck? Isn't xh p/u d?" S was like, I don't think so, he told me to give this to her. I tried calling xh bc I hadn't planned on p/u d and was in the middle of something. He did not answer. I had to text another dad and ask him to bring d home.
I saw xh the next day and I asked why he didn't p/u d or answer my call. He said he had to go tanning and couldn't pick d up and didn't answer my call bc he was in the tanning bed.
At this point, I'm like, OK, I'm being punked, right?!
Nope, I know now, it was a couple days later he went on a cruise with his little sweetheart and her kid.
Sorry Matt, didn't mean to ramble, but I do have a point to this. Now, my kids don't even want to bother with xh. They know he is unreliable. I think xh now regrets some of this. He can't take it back and he has a lot of ground to cover to reestablish a r with them.
I know it is different since your d14 lives with w, but my point is that d14 still has feelings inside from this, whether she is acknowledging them now or not. You are giving her the sense of security and she knows she can count on you. I don't think you would want it any other way (outside of this sitch, of course). That will always be there in her because you will be there for her. Forget w and her shenanigans, there is nothing you can do about that. She will regret it one day, and d will realize you were a rock for her. You are the calm in the storm. Don't get swept into the storm, Matt. D14 needs you.
