This is terrifying - I hope you understand

[Ahoy]

Shakspr, no one is perfect. We don't always have the opportunity to correct the mistakes of the past, but we can focus on being the best person we can be now and in the future. Don't beat yourself up about this. Embrace this opportunity for renewal, even if it means doing so without your wife. Seek out the things that bring you joy and serenity. Chin up!