Cathy - A little window into your WAH's mind here-
He feels like he turned to the OW because you had abandoned him (I know, I know, you didn't - but in their depression, WAS's actually think they feel that way because YOU let them down, so it isn't really their fault - it's yours!)
He feels like "can't she see how sick I am and how much I need her to take care of me" - even while he's pushing you away!
He absolutely can't deal with your pain yet - because he feels so terrible about what he's done, if you bring it up, believe me, he just can't deal with the guilt and the pain right now. Takes months sometimes. And some WASs never come home even though they want to because they just can't deal with their guilt.
So - tough as this may be right now - focus on speaking his love languages, filling his love tank, avoid discussions that make him feel guilty, try to help him see he needs help with his drinking problem, and reassure him you will continue to fight for him (sometimes they are like kids testing the limits with their parents - wanting to see if you'll still love them.)
