Your opinions on whether to invite H, though different, were perspectives I really needed. Thank you for weighing in.
25 years- Thank you so much for stopping by. It's like opening a window wide open when you stop by... airing out all my BS thinking and helping me breathe clear air again.
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Are you in counseling?
No I am not in IC outside of my DB coach. Perhaps I should look into it but I feel I am handling things rather well. It can't hurt though, right? Our insurance isn't awesome so it'll be pricey. Just something that is always in the back of my mind.
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What did forgiveness look like in your childhood?
This is an interesting question and one I should explore further. I was raised catholic so forgiveness was a strong theme BUT my mother was HORRIBLY abusive and my father absent for much of our childhood (he didn't leave us, he was just an obsessive workaholic). My mother always apologized for the beatings and words she used to say and we were "required" to forgive her. It was just assumed that we would. We were actually afraid not to forgive her.
If we did something wrong, we'd apologize and she'd "forgive" us but it was ALWAYS brought up again and again, never really forgiven. So she was "worthy" of forgiveness but we never were. So I guess it's fair to say that forgiveness was more of a double standard.
Issues much? Yeah, that's me.
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When you are in the midst of an angry moment, it's hard to react in a new healthier way. Practice...seriously, practice. Find a good positive role model to help you replace the Things "NOT TO DO" in fights, with Things TO DO" in fights.
it's well and good to know what not to do but in the heat of the moment if you have not replaced the old behaviors with new better ones, you may easily revert to an old pattern.
^^^^ I totally agree. Practice will be helpful and I am observing marriages left and right to see what works and what doesn't seem to work so well with different personalities and baggage. I wish I had more direct ability to practice but that would mean fighting with H and I'm NOT ready for that and he's definitely not ready.
You're right, he'd run for the hills. Permanently.
I'm not sure if you're alluding to me forgiving him (for leaving me?). Is that something I should be working toward at this juncture? I'm asking, not implying otherwise. Am I there yet?
