Looks like a bit of an update is in order. So the last few weeks seemed to have been ok, except for a few comments I made, which caused a lot of ripples. I'm not sure if I am making the stitch worse or not? Last week, my W came to the house and took some food that I had bought. I was at work. I had dragged all the kids to the grocery store, and it was an ordeal, so I was frustrated that she didn't go and get it herself in her own time. However, I rephrased my frustration, and suggested that if she could let me know if she was taking food that would be great, just so I didn't run out.
There was a big text barrage about me being controlling and demeaning, and then it settled down. No real problems. She hasn't been feeling well, and I offered to help out with running the kids somewhere, which she appreciated but declined. She also told me she is on the verge of a stress leave from her work and she cannot handle her life etc.
I then today, received a text asking if she could take some things. I had again spent the last three days shopping to fill the list the nanny had given. I responded sure, and maybe the next time she could fill the list. Was this bad?
The barrage that followed was intense and sad. And it included a picture of her crying in the car. I was again accused of being demeaning and degrading and not recognizing all the times she has done things for the house. She then said she wishes to have NC, which is what we have been doing really anyways.
She told me that she had been in a meeting to appeal for financial aid. She still has full access to bank accounts etc, but I think she is truly seeking some financial autonomy. She reiterated her desire to seperate and have financial autonomy. The reality is of course I don't think she will be able to do it. But that's not my issue.
My concern is obviously for her, and also if I have I critically erred? In reality to me, her taking food to feed the kids when she has them is completely fine with me. I am feeling a bit used that she doesn't utilize her own time to get the food. Instead, relying on me to pick it up all the time. And at the same time, my heart goes out to her when I see how she is struggling. But I can't rescue her. I feel like I've lost my way a bit, and need to refocus. I didn't get upset after this outburst today, or argue her feelings.
I told her it made me sad to see her in this state, I told her it must have been emotionally difficult to be appealing for money and asking for support. And most importantly I told her that I truly want her to be happy, and I hope that she finds happiness on her journey. This is how I truly feel. I did apologize and say my comment was not meant to degrade her in any way.
We have a mediation meeting on Friday. I'm not sure how it will go, and I'm nervous. I'm feeling a bit like I need to change tact. I'm not sure if what I'm doing is working. I'm guessing that the reality of her situation is starting to sink in. But truly I don't know what's going on anymore.
Any suggestions or 2x4s, perhaps starting with why would you make a big deal about taking food for your kids? Ugh, I screwed up on that one I feel.
