Hey buddy...you're with a group here who "gets it"...no need to explain or defend yourself. Honey...easy there. Ok?
Wonka,
I have never, ever physically hurt her, I've always been considerate. I've never had issues with alcohol or any other drugs, also never had an affair(s). It is pretty much the same with a lot of DBers here. The affair is NOT your fault. Remember that.
The issues she recently stated she had with me were; I have been selfish, lazy, didn't help around the house much or with the girls, frequently/always being tired, moody and depressing to live with. Never satisfied, always wanting more - nicer house, car etc. I always controlled her apparently and never felt listened to enough. Strange as i thought we always made joint decisions. Yeah, W is taking a peek at the dog-eared WAS script that was passed on to her by other WASes. Same speech, different sitch. Same ol, same ol. We've heard all this befreo...trying to demonize you to justify their A in their mind. What a crock!
I agree with some of that - I think that I may have had my own mini mlc!. However, it was not always like that, we have had fantasic times together - to say that it's always been like that is a complete rewrite of our history I know I'm trying to justify this but, in my job i worked twelve hour days, mon to fri. Evenings/Weekends i just wanted/needed to relax - watch sport on tv etc. She worked part time and got on with mowing the lawn, painting the fence or a room in the house etc. But also, at weekends i often cooked our family meals and cleaned the house etc I thought we made a really good team.
It is not YOU. Your W is on a journey separate from what you do. She needs to figure out her chit. It may take a while to come out to the other side. Use the gift of time to focus on you and how you can be a better man & father.
We're the complete opposite now; i'm the one working on the house, every weekend and some evenings - one of my 180's. She's not interested in the house at all.
Nothing seems to be working for me, feeling pretty hopeless..
I can see how you would feel such utter hopelessness in the face of this sitch. It is the early stages...and frankly there's not much one can do since the dopamine of the OW/OM is pretty strong. In time, it will wane. It is like a drug addict looking for the next "fix". Eventually it'll all come crashing down around their shoulders. Bide your time and focus on YOU. Because that's the only thing you can control, Jay.
Something has to happen for the dynamic to change here..I keep praying for an Act of God.
I like hearing this...keep it up. You're a good man.
