Thought I would be at a basketball game tonight, wanted to get more things and sneak away. Saw that I was here, told me he hated me and that I was B!
You know what I'm not even going to tell you what he said, it was the same old stuff. It was all about him being sick and me not caring, why didn't I have S call him to ask how he was, to say hi Daddy. I said "why didn't you call S? I mean really who is this man that he can't even call his own S, expects me to call him?
H told me I should be gone on Saturday ALL DAY and take S too as he was moving all of his stuff out..all of it!! Now that I'm thinking about it, why should he care of if S saw him moving when it would be obvious to S that he had moved when we got back home?
I didn't hold back and I told him he was better off where he was, that he was mean, he was verbally abusive and that he had a drinking problem. I told him something was wrong with him that he was insane. I didn't trust him around our S either! I totally blew it with H I know that now, but I just couldn't shut up.
I told him to go to the lawyer and get his papers. He said he'd get joint custody. I said no he wouldn't, he abandoned us twice and he then got mad and said something about paying the bills and I said no, emotionally..he then got ready to leave and I said there you running off again our S.
S had just woken up and was kind of groggy didn't even really care that his dad was here. I told S that daddy was moving out on Saturday, that he wasn't happy living here. At that point H came back in and just stood in the doorway to the living room. I tried to get S to go see him and he wouldn't. H stood there some more and think he was getting ready to cry and he left. Left the garage door open, also.
I just had to tell him, let him have it like Laurie told me not too. But I'm just so tired if him blaming me and if you could have seen the anger in his face, I got scared, he came really close to me at one point and he was mad.
I don't know people, I'm sad, but I just couldn't take the blame anymore. I told him like it was and what I thought of him..it wasn't pretty.
Oh, then he told me that I wasn't even trying to make this marriage work!! I said yes I was, you weren't trying you were talking to her the whole time. He admitted talking to her and so why is he saying I wasn't trying. I told him he didn't even want to talk to me.
You did fine. Now just let it all go. Don't worry about anything that you said or did. Maybe it is exactly what the Lord wanted you to do or say at the time.
Sometimes it takes a cold glass of water in the face and a good hard look at what you are losing to wake someone up.
Do you have any expectations of him regarding getting help for his drinking and being abusive to you. I don't think OW caused that stuff--and as you know--she was just a symptom.
Is he really willing to make the changes necessary?
I posted to you last night but apparently it got lost. What great news for you and your little guy. I hope and pray for your whole family that this time it works out wonderfully well for you. Just take it easy.
I'm so happy for you and just a little envious.
Hugs,
Mary
"God, help me keep my head up, my heart open, and know I'll always be guided along the path."
Yes I did thank God, because praying does work. Giving everything over to God. I was so ready for H to move out on Saturday, also. Deep down I knew he wasn't going to though. The look on his face was that or surprise when I told him to go ahead and move out and that S and I would be gone.
I was putting dishes away and heard the door open. H said come here a minute and I was like oh no. Went into the garage, his truck was still running. H said I'm moving back..I just groaned and said "are you going to stay this time?"
H then said he went back to OW's told her he was leaving, that's he's sick of her, sick of her sad stories and to NOT call him anymore. That he packed up all his stuff. Asked me to move my car over so that he could put his truck in the garage, he did that, gave me his cellphone and said throw it away.
What really moved my H was S not wanting to talk to him, it just broke my H's heart. That he didn't want to live the rest of his life with his S hating him which he said to OW, also.
I asked him what OW said about this and he said she was screaming at him when he left.
I have a meeting this morning, I will be back later with more of our conversation. I know H has problems and H knows he has problems.
I know my H hasn't changed any, don't know if he can change, but I have to give him the chance.
My H's feelings go deep and his way of dealing with his feelings is through anger. Deep down he is a hurt child.
He is like a hurt child. Please tell me you have an excellent counselor lined up. You both will probably need it. You know this is where the hard work starts. Praying for you!! Pattie
When you can't make a decision because you are torn between your heart and your head, listen to the half with the brain.
I don't think I have posted to your thread before, although I have read it regularly.
How fabulous that your H has chosen you and his family over OW!
I really hope you can both work things out and that your H takes the bull by the horns.
I wonder if you have the time in all this euphoria to answer a question about boundaries? I know you weren't happy about the idea of your son getting involved with OW, or H and her while drinking. Did you allow S to go over there? Did H want to take him there? How did you handle it?
I have a problem over on my thread about D going to stay the weekend with my H and his new OW. It's driving me crazy with worry, and H will call again this evening to no doubt ask the question again...
I would much appreciate any help or advice about this problem.
Livnlearn
PS Do you think that OW having all those "sad stories" was part of her attraction to your H in his time of crisis? It seems to be the dynamic of my H's two OW. He and OW can talk about their horrible spouses whom they have just left, and commiserate together.
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
and just a little envious.