This is great info. I do, finally, believe that my H is in pain, and that there is nothing I can do for him right now. H has never shared his feelings with me on anything. When he told me that I had hurt him the last few years, he never came out and told me how I had hurt him. I didn't know I had hurt him as deeply as he claimed as he always acted untouchable, like he didn't care. He hid his pain well.
I've been reading TMAK2, KIMT and some of YOUR old threads and am finding a wealth of info on depression and the withdrawl stages. These threads go back to 2000!
I don't know why my H ran. Right after I heard the remote hit the wall I grabbed S and got out of the house. I didn't want S to be witness to this anymore and so we left. I wonder if we hadn't left if H wouldn't have run off, but then again I don't know that either.
I DON'T want it be my fault. I feel stronger than I ever have and know I can do whatever is necessary to help myself and to be strong in front of H. I have to now, I can no longer bear the pain. In my eyes the way to stop my pain is to not let H abuse me, blame me, make be the bad guy. I will pray for H, but I also will not let H control me with his anger to shut me up. I will NOT let it happen because I no longer can bear the pain. (I hope that makes sense).
Yes something big is happening with my H. I can feel it, also. At this point nothing will surprise me, but I know I will be okay. When he left this time it wasn't like the other times. I don't know how to exactly explain it, but when he left the first time it was the most awful thing I could imagine happening. This time there really wasn't too much pain, and I'm okay. I'm really, truly okay. God must have given me this strength. If God can come through for ME, than he can come through for anyone. HE made me a believer and he gave me my strength, my sense of self back and HE gave me peace.
Quote: With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God. Mark 10:27
