Then a thought jumped into my head ..... can you forgive someone for something like that when they don't even show remorse??
Forgiveness has nothing to do with what the offender thinks or feels. It's for YOU, not them. Forgiveness relieves YOU from carrying their burden...do you want to carry those negative feelings the rest of your life?
I am totally aware of that, and its points like this I realize I am not as detached as I feel at times .... and you are right ... even the sermons state forgiveness is not for them, its to release ourselves and I agree, BUT .... I would be remiss is saying it would be nice to see SOME remorse but the MLCrs just seem to be the opposite in so many areas of normal human behavior
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My stbxw doesn't remember the bulk of the spew and venom she said to me, and some to the kids. She has started to remeber some, last I knew, but you know? It doesn't matter.
You can choose to take the spewing from a mentally unbalanced person personally, if you want, but why?
This far down my road I see it for what it was, it doesn't hurt anymore. I re-framed it into my experience interning in a pysch ward... I didn't let the patients crazy talk and spew affect me because? (psst...they were mentally/emotionally unbalanced)
There are a lot of personal "why's" we LBS have to dig into and answer ourselves honestly, that have NOTHING to do with the WAS. It's tough, but all so, so worth it.
Hope you are feeling better soon and hang in there!
Like I said .. I get it ... as one of the quotes I will forever have in my pocket says "Hurt people ... hurt people" I never thought I would be here ... then again .. sometimes after the BD it seems we all focus so much on the WAS that we forget .. that M was not so great, for me ... I can admit I had a good bit of warning .. I just thought like most it would blow over ... woke up one day and a stage 5 hurricae actually hit and I was not prepared for the mess.
Maybe after all is said and done I will see the bigger plan, maybe not, she just did TM me asking how I was feeling .... was quiet all day but I can say for about 4 weeks the exchanges have been pleasant, or none at all .. which I have accepted as .. no conversation is better than a fight.(This silence used to drive me insane)
Thanks Tsquared for the input, I completely can see your points ... and agree with your opinion ... sometimes just reading another s perspective can re arm our defenses, look at things a little differently ... but most of all just knowing someone else can relate can fuel us for another day.... journaling it does help but I think its triple when you get some feedback , this forum is a goldmine.
