Hi Cali, The answer to all the questions about "Can I ever forgive her?"...that's what is meant when they say, in the end, it's really up to the LBS IF the MLCer ever comes out of the tunnel, whether or not you will ever have a R and if so, what kind. I'm glad your W has been better lately, seeming to care, etc. Just try to keep in mind that that can change quickly and probably will even if she is "coming out" of her crisis. It doesn't happen in a straight line and they will go back and revisit all the stages one last time before coming out (again, if that is where she is even at).
You are a lot like me when I was at your stage in my W's MLC. She would start to act different, be more involved, text me, want to go to lunch when she was close to my work for a conference, etc. Heck, we even ML'd a couple times (this when at the beginning I couldn't even touch her leg without her freaking out). It never lasted more than a few weeks. Something (usually something I had no part of) would happen and it was right back to the blaming me for her being "unhappy".
Just be careful, Cali. By expecting NOTHING but enjoying whatever "good" interactions you have you are better off. I hope you start feeling better soon!
Matt ... yeah I am all to aware that the R we had died last year, and I have been wrestling with where this all goes, knowing she uses me as an emotional crutch .... and the thing I may/may not have said ... W and I had not ML for about 3 years, I was lead to believe it was medical ... then 2-3 months after OM was discovered she calls me on the way to the Dr office fearing she had an STD ... so I am dealing with the hurt from that, something I think I will start working on with my IC.
However, the past few weeks she has been slowly making more of an effort to contact me, ask how I am, she did say the other day she was scared I was going to die as I am never sick, let alone THAT ill where I would have gone to ER ... she is right .. my reputation with Doctors/Hospitals is well known. I will not mind read, but the few times I was ready to walk/ let go she goes hysterical pleading that she needs me.
Thanks for the advice, and I do not really expect anything, detaching better as of late and just observing ..... I reall ythink there is little I can do at this point, she is going to IC and has some issues she needs to get through, and it will not be easy ... I think of a few things I have read, I need to be the rock, the lighthouse ... and just stay the course. I am FAR better off today and in the now than I was in Jan/March/May ... I am very thankful for that.
