Newbie Error- LRT too Soon- help!

[Bart42]

All, thanks for trying to whack some sense into me. My emotions have me all over the map. From rereading these posts as well as other threads I realize that I am still making this about her and not about me. I realize she will never love a man she doesn't respect.

So I will get a lawyer. I will figure out what I want my life to look like without her and what I want my future to be like with my kids. I will start planning for D, even though it is not what I want. I will build a new network and GAL, not for her but for me. I will not threaten or give ultimatums, I will simply act. I have already told her "I will not wait forever" and I will not put a limit time limit on that (externally to her) but I will impose a short one (2 months max) on myself so that I don't become a doormat who supports here cake eating. I will figure out how to be somehow upbeat and a strong person while clearly not condoning or supporting her #%^*. I will lay down strong boundaries and will act if they are violated. I will take a few days and THINK about what I want rather than throwing all the crap up on this board as I've been doing for the last week.

Theoden, thanks four your comments- sometimes I need to hear the same thing in a different voice to help me get it, and your participation is really helping.

Zew, thanks for the pointer to your sitch- I had been reading your active thread, but am now going back and reading your older posts and they are extremely helpful, especially the comments on tough love, attraction, and the true purpose of the rules.

Starsky, thanks for your patience with me- I am learning and your commitment to teaching others is very much appreciated. I don't know how you do it and put up with us nobodies, but I'm very glad and thankful that you do. One question- you laid down clear boundaries of no txting OM in the home or using marital assets to support the A. What would you have done if they were violated? File? Go dark?I understand that boundaries are useless until you are prepared to act, I just have to figure out my own internal "or else."

I also am struggling with how to police similar boundaries without snooping- for example W's phone remains locked and with joint finances, she can easily hide in cash or ambiguous charges a good amount of spend if she wishes to, so I couldn't police your type of boundaries (just an example here- I know I have to figure out my own boundries but it's hard for me to understand how to do that with a lying WAW).

I want to make sure my boundaries are clear, represent my true deal breakers, and that I can unambiguously know when they have been violated. I am still struggling with that, but I continue to read here and will take time to calm down and think.

A huge THANK YOU to you all.