Got a few minutes so I thought I'd check out what's happening today. Interesting.
I'm here to support your decision.
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I feel like we are forcing two teenagers to spend time with us in an environment that they have communicated they are uncomfortable with. I think forcing or imposing or whatever you want to call it will just result in them pulling in the opposite direction.
I agree with you. You had me on #1. The rest of your thoughts are all valid as well.
I have friends who were in your shoes and they didn't press the issue. I think the Mr. had a chat with the now Mrs.' kids and let them know that he wasn't a replacement for their dad and didn't expect them to think differently. He mentioned that their dad was always their dad. Even though I'm paraphrasing, you get the idea. He then asked them how they felt about their mom. He got the answer he expected. And he told them, "Then we're all on the same page. I love her too, and I want what's best for her and you. As long as you know that, it's all that matters." And he left them be for awhile. They eventually came around when his actions spoke for themselves.
They're now married, have a kiddo of their own and her kids are grown and flown the coop. They appreciate him. So hang in there. It can be done. And you're right about patience being the key.
I'd probably add into any conversation with the kids that you'll never ask their mom to pick you over them and don't need them to like you--that it would be really nice--but all you ask is to be respectful, because you think their mom is a rock star. And then let them mull and observe.
Unless the kids are poisoned by the ex (and it sounds as though that is clearly not an issue), they're usually reasonable about things. Cautious, wary and mistrustful are just how they protect themselves until they fully trust you and her.
Good luck!
Bets
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
