Working on being comfortable in those silent moments. I can be in a room or nearby in silence. It's the moments where we are there looking into each other's eyes saying nothing but speaking volumes that gets me. The raw vulnerability is tough in that moment. But I guess that's my issue-huh??
I think I might have conveyed the wrong message when I mentioned being done or fantasizing etc. I know we will always be connected, both because of children and because we really do have a deep emotional connection- even H has said that. I don't plan to initiate a D at any point in the near future. I think my " done" comments and thinking about other relationships are my way of convincing myself that I can continue to detach and I will be ok and will find happiness if this goes in a way I don't want it to and have no control over. I'm trying to get to the point where I can envision him never coming back to this relationship and me moving on. Not because I want to, but because I might have to.
This is so hard as I am a very deeply sensitive person and either all in or all out. Granted I had built up some walls that I am working very hard on tearing down and rebuilding in healthy ways- but I've never had an exit strategy- always a " need to work it out within the context of the current relationship" strategy. I don't know how to somewhat protect my heart and get off the roller coaster while still being open with him......
Me 41 H 40 M 20 T 23 S 19,16, 8 D 13 BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015 Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
