1 step forward, 1000 steps back - part 7

[figgeroni]

you can never be 100% sure of anything....ever

so...

let go of the idea that you can and that with a transparency plan or whatever in place that he will remain on the straight and narrow

he could get a 2nd cell phone
screw her in the bathroom
whatever

you have to come to a place where you are OK with the fact that you can never be sure of anything from anyone

[Heart14]

you have to come to a place where you are OK with the fact that you can never be sure of anything from anyone

Fig, this is an excellent point. I needed to read this tonight.

It's easy to get bogged down with the hurt and anger. It's not easy to start trusting again. At some point you have to shift your focus to the positive actions you see from your spouse. If every day, or even most days, are focused on the past you'll never move forward.

[unbidden]

He is worried that he'll come back but things won't have changed. Given that, it's probably most productive for you to work on that for both of you than to keep trying to control when he moves back .... Wrk on the cause not the symptom.

[Train]

^^^ Agreed.

[mdu]

Thx everyone.

Dang this is hard.

[mdu]

Rough morning. Have to go to an appointment this afternoon for my Dad to discuss his mental state. We recently put him in a home because he is severely mentally and physically disabled due to Parkinon's disease and dementia. He is not doing well, especially mentally, and we will likely have to put him in the psychiatric unit at our local hospital for a while. It's a mess.

[Train]

So sorry to hear, mdu. It must be very tough to see your dad in that state of mind.

(((Hugs)))

[Starsky309]

I'm so sorry, mdu. We are going thru this right now with my father-in-law (stroke-induced dementia, rapidly getting worse). He and MIL live with us, and it's a daily challenge that only seems to be getting harder.

(((((hugs)))))


Starsky

[mdu]

Thx Train & Starsky. The admission to psychiatric unit is scary but we're praying it makes a difference. He attacked and pinned down another resident with his walker (We're so lucky no one got hurt)! WTH, who is this man??? He used to be the most docile person ever, never once raised his voice to me in his life. Parkinson's is cruel, dementia is utter he11

[MrBond]

"Shouldn't I be cautious?"

Of course you should be cautious. HOWEVER, you are injecting your own insecurities into what you keep saying you "know" he is thinking.

You haven't stopped that habit. That is a big thing that you haven't changed and from your H's POV, will have you reverting back to the way you before.