Take a long, hard look at theoden's list. Truth in every single point. Point 7 is without a doubt the hardest one to come to terms with, but it is essential to putting a plan together for YOU, for your life.
As with anything in life, your best chance at getting what you want is to first know what you want. Make your plan, knowing the only one you can really count on is you. It is a painful process, but very empowering. It will force you to confront what you want to do with your life, and how you want to live it.
I believe the confidence this builds is not only healthy for you, but projects you in the best light to your W. She may or may not care, but if you make your plan based on your desires and it's consistent with your ideals, then if W chooses not to be part of that, as tragic as that may seem now, you'll find you can be at peace with what is ultimately her decision.
If you care to, read my sitch. There's a lot of similarity. Maybe you'll learn what not to do, or get a few ideas of what to do. I was where you are. In my own time I took my life back and made my plan. My W now has a very short time left to make some tough decisions. Months ago I told her the decisions were inevitable, and the choices would be less attractive as time passed, but they would be her decisions. I took the choice of living with me and dating OM off the table.
Whatever she chooses, I can see a path to where I want to be 1, 2 and 5 years from now, and that feels really, really good.
