Texted W while she was at her parents last night to let her know I was going out for a bit and probably wouldn't be home when she and the kids got back. When I did get home the kids were already in bed and W was on the couch surfing the web watching the Os/Toronto game. I know she doesn't like getting into "stuff" when it's later in the evening, so I was only half-surprised that she didn't bring up any discussion with her parents about when specifically she was planning on moving in with them. In keeping with DBing, I certainly wasn't going to bring it up...although I have to confess I definitely did want to ask if she had talked to them about it and what had been decided. Instead we just hung out watching the game for a bit and then went to bed.

Thought it was interesting that as I was lying in bed and as she was getting prepared to join me, she started talking about doing 30 days of "getting healthy"... starting to eat right, exercising/doing yoga, and--most importantly--reducing (if not quitting altogether) the amount she has been drinking and going out/partying. This last thing has been a huge issue...I'm realizing there is a substance abuse issue at play in our sitch. I'm not sure the exact nature of it...if she could be called an addict or not...but she definitely uses alcohol as a coping mechanism, and it's been 2, 3, 4 nights a week sometimes of drinking and going out to bars...particularly notable because she is on two meds, neither of which should she be drinking much while taking. All of these things, the getting healthy/exercise/reducing partying-drinking, were things that she said she was going to do back when she first dropped the bomb on me in March. Back then, she had said that she owed it to herself, and the kids, and me and the marriage to do them before making any final decisions. But... they just never happened.

So, it was good to hear her say last night that she was once again planning on doing them...whether or not any of them actually happens remains to be seen. Of course this time she didn't say them in the context of doing them before deciding for sure to move out. I wanted to ask, but didn't. I think it's best to assume that her goal is to do (I hope) all of these healthy things not INSTEAD of moving out, but in addition to moving out. Her parents are both pretty big drinkers though, so I don't how much moving in with them is going to be conducive to a reduction in drinking, but... I wish her the best.

Yet again, just as I was drifting off to sleep last night, W asked me if I would pet her head to help her fall asleep...and this morning she asked me to massage her back before I started getting ready for work. Hope that's something she misses when she moves out...


H: 43
W: 37
M: 11 years
T: 12 years
S: 11
D: 8
ILYBINILWY, "I want to move out" and "I want a divorce": 3/23/14
MC started: 9/22/14
Affair and past infidelity discovered: 9/26/14
Piecing: 10/20/14