So spent the evening re-reading DB and I can see how filing for D/pushing separation seems my only remaining option to hopefully wake her up- problem is DR consels against this unless you are truly ready- and I am not ready for a D. I guess that leaves me as supporting cake eating for a little wile longer until I either get up the courage to end it, she does, or she magically comes out of this fog (little chance, I know).
In my experience (10 years, 25,000 posts as three different usernames on this message forum alone) this approach has three basic, but very serious problems with it:
1. Staying in limbo and allowing the affair to continue to go on basically right in front of you will sap your strength, kill your self-esteem and emasculate you. This will in turn make you a less emotionally-healthy partner for a possible future relationship.
2. Your wife -- seeing that you are allowing it -- will lose respect (and therefore, attraction and ultimately LOVE) for you.
3. If her OM1 affair does end up imploding (most likely by her OM1 dumping her), women in your type of situation almost always turn to an OM2. Then it's "Lather, Rinse, Repeat" time.
Trust me, there is NOTHING good about Limbo. Can you handle a week of this, or even a month? Sure. You never HAVE to do anything TODAY. But Limbo is a path of wretched pain and further family emotional and financial destruction if it goes on for any length of time, in my experience and observation.
