He Ran Again! What Now?

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Lefty
May I call you Lefty? Well, I have to say that your husband's leaving, returning and leaving again sounds all too familiar to my own situation so long ago. Lefty, it takes any where from 2-5 years for the mlc to work up into the full blown crisis. During that time, your spouse has had many doubts about his life, where it's going, where it's not going, etc. At a point during that leading up time, he entered the first stage of the crisis called "denial". From what I have read and learned over the last 4 years, the denial stage is really the hardest stage to detect at the beginning. Your husband has left the denial stage and has been in the anger stage for a while and has now entered replay. Anger, replay, depression, and withdrawal can all occur at the same time, i.e., him bouncing back and forth. He will shed the anger once he's into full blown replay and that could be in about 6-8 mths. For now, let's just focus on the anger and replay stages. From what you have stated, yes, he basically was trying to set you up to get you to put him out. Mine did it to me the second time around and you know what? Exactly one month later the anger came out in full force. As long as you recognize his anger for what it is and do not react to it, the quicker he will lose it. He's trying to justify why he's out there and if he can get you to be nasty to him, that will set the justification up in his mind. Replay has begun and you can figure he's going to be acting like a crazy boy for a while. This "acting out" will continue until his childhood issues have all been dealt with. You know the drill, drinking, drugging, gambling, women, parties, spending sprees, etc. Anything that he thinks will make him happy. Little does he know that happiness comes from within. There's nothing you can do to help him or speed up his crisis. You will need to pick your seat on the curb and just watch the show unfold. However, there are a number of things that you can do for yourself. They are: be kind to yourself, after all, you are the prize; don't attempt to analyze his every move, comment or behavior or you will surely drive yourself insane; step back from his drama and allow him to hit bottom hard; and whatever you do, don't allow thoughts of the ow to take over your mind. She's absolutely nothing but a band aid to his little crisis. She's nothing. Okay? Continue to be a strong woman, hold your head up high and know that you are loved by everyone. You didn't break this man, therefore you can't fix him. He will have to go through the crisis, face his demons, hit bottom and float back to the surface. When he completes acceptance, he should be a mature and responsible adult male, not the man/child he's been most of his life.

BTW, when the stage of depression hits, it will be one of the darkest times of his life, but that won't be for a while. You may want to read up on depression to have a better understanding of this beast.

Lefty, we are all here for you. It is a very long journey, but a journey that you will learn more about yourself than ever before. You will be faced w/many challenges and you will need to have patience and a sense of humor in order to survive. I believe you are up to the challenge and will survive, no matter the outcome. We are all here for you.