Hi again! I just wanted to say another thing after seeing an earlier post of yours on another thread....Be VERY careful about doing things hoping for a certain reaction from your H! I say this from real life experience. You had posted something about maybe you should start the process of mediation because your H keeps saying that he wants to "end this M" but he hasn't done anything yet. I think what you said was "...maybe seeing the stark reality of what D means on paper will wake him up to what that really means..". You can't expect a person in MLC to have any thing close to what you think is a NORMAL reaction to anything! I learned this the hard way.
Yes, a normal thinking person might see that piece of paper that represents the end of a life, the destruction of a family for what it represents. Any person in their right mind, seeing something like that would at the very least hesitate and really think about what that means, right? What you must remember is this, right now your H ISN'T in his right mind. He is as far from "normal" as he can get. It has been my experience that every time I did something like that hoping to get the "normal" reaction from my W, I got just the opposite! Where I expected her to at least slow down, to maybe think about what she was doing, all I got was her speeding the process up! Your H may just see that piece of paper and think "Oh, thank God she started the process" because he couldn't figure out how to do it himself. Or even "Well, she must want this as much as I do if she was willing to do it. I'm off the hook and can say I wasn't the one who went to the lawyer..".
mleigh, it took me way too long to understand just how "crazy" my W's thought processes were. Just how far from the way she used to think, from the way anyone in their right mind would react she had become. Don't do something you don't want to do hoping that it might "wake" him up. Unless you are at the point that YOU are ready to start the process for YOU, don't do it. Now, if you are truly at the point where you can no longer take the status quo, where you are ready for him to either change or end the M, then by all means that is something you should do. But, if you are only doing it to get a certain reaction from him, I would think twice.
Like I said, it has been my experience that my W had the exact opposite reaction that I had hoped for every time I did something like that. Your H may be different but be very careful about that kind of thing. I know how you feel, mleigh (Oh, so very well!). It's so hard being in limbo, waiting for that shoe to drop, knowing your life as you know it is at the mercy of a person that you have (and still) love. You think that somewhere in there the person you knew and loved must still be there and if you could only get him to really see just what he is doing, just how much damage and pain he is causing, he will wake up. I'm sorry to say that that most likely will not happen any time soon and you just can't count on him to see any of that. It s@cks and it isn't fair, I know but it is reality at this time.
Hang in there mleigh. Only you know when you can no longer take the uncertainty and pain.
