What you will find out in this book that you are getting, is that it doesn't matter how he is going to react. You trust the Lord and you react the way that the Lord would.
You treat them with unconditional love just like the Lord treats us. You also know that the Lord holds us accountable for what we do, but in a gentle way. You also know that the Lord allows us to go and learn our own lessons when he tries to tell us and we don't listen.
You have to remember that he has not total awakened to anything yet, and yes he feels that you are the only one that he has hurt. He hasn't gotten the full picture yet of what he has done. He maybe starting to see some of it and that is why he has run.
Also according to the man who wrote the book on Prodigal's Do Come Home, is that his pigpen hasn't gotten dirty enough. Once it gets so nasty that he can't stand it, that is when he is going to start looking at himself.
He can not fully look at himself right now because it would destroy him. That is the last thing that you want to have happen to him no matter what you feel about what he has done.
Also, to be honest with you, unless someone has worn your shoes, they do not understand what it does to the person. No, their families will not understand what has been done to you and your son unless the same thing has happened to them. They do not know you and therefore, they do not have feelings for what you are going through.
Have you ever read a story about someone and felt a twinge of what they were going through, but when it is someone that you know or yourself, you do not get the full impact of what they have been through or suffered. Also, you can put the person out of your mind that you do not know. The person that you know is not so easily put out of your head. There is an attachment there that you do not have with a stranger.
The thing of it is, is that the Lord wants us to be able to feel that about every person that is on this earth. So that we can understand what people are going through and better pray for them.
There is so much that you are learning about on your journey and there is still so much more to learn. Compassion is hard to have for someone that has hurt so badly, but you are learning it.
What goes around comes around...I truly believe this and I would not wish this hell on another person, even my worst enemy.
Something has happened within. I feel stronger than I ever have, their is little anxiety or fear. I could sleep last night--which is BIG! If I can sleep, I can conquer anything. I don't feel any different than I did during the time H was home or before H came home. I will be alright, I know that now and have known that for awhile. I'm still not going to like some things and some things are still going to make me cry, but I will be okay.
I do feel a new lightness again, a free feeling. I don't have to check in with the monster when I want to do something or be guilted because I have plans or just want to go to the mall.
I'm meeting friends tomorrow night for marqueritas, my good friend C says she could use one...if she only knew.. Her problems are nothing compared to mine, yet I will keep quiet and let C do the talking...which is usually what happens anyways. C thinks she has the worst H and is so unhappy, like I said if she only knew
Still not word from H. I'm expecting to arrive at home and the house to be cleared out...but who knows. If weren't for our wonderful S, it really wouldn't bother me at all if this did happen. But we do have a child together and I have to be there for him, I am his only parent right now and have to keep his best interests in mind.
I am so sorry to come on here after the weekend to read your new thread. (((HUGS)))
You said that your H hasn't been feeling well but you also mentioned that he hasn't been drinking as much lately either. Is he going through physical withdrawal from alcohol? If that is the case, he probably feels like crap. This doesn't justify what he said or did, but might give you a basis for conversation when he shows up.
Has he ever acknowledged that he has a drinking problem? I don't remember reading that in your threads. If he has, you could start a conversation, "I understand that you are not feeling well since you have cut down on your drinking...but I need you to understand that regardless of how you feel, you cannot speak to me like that, with or without our son present. And you could add that you have done nothing but support him..."
Am I way off base here? I know that you will have to speak to him sometime, and to approach it with a smile in your voice instead of anger, will knock his socks off - it will definately get his attention.
I am not saying to roll over and ignore what he did, but to approach him with kindness and friendship instead of anger and disappointment.
It will take all the strength you have to do this, but you are strong. You have done this so far and done it well. This is yet another test of your resolve.
I guess I am saying be ready when he initiates contact, but you don't have to initiate it yourself. Don't let him catch you off guard, run the conversation in your head ahead of time.
Know that I am here to support you. I'm sorry that I'm not on here much on the weekend, but can't when H is around. But I continue to pray for you.
Stay strong!
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
S4 had the flu all week. H thought he had the flu, but then I caught him eating nacho's so I don't know how sick he was. H isn't healthy, has something going on internally so it could have been anything.
Yes, you are so right I do need a plan of action don't I. I just don't know what to expect when he does initiate. If he calls me at work, I'm not answering the phone. I'm not using my cell phone unless it's an emergency. Since H pays for this he thinks it's his and he really is the only that calls me on it. Just last week he went through all my calls and then deleted all the numbers of people who called me. I really don't want to talk to him for a few days.
Yesterday S asked where H was and I said H is gone for a few days and then S was okay with that.
The anger is gone, I won't be angry, I'll be loving, yet firm as I would with a friend. My friends don't treat me the way that H does, so I've never had to "talk" to a friend about their treatment of m.
Faith is trusting God not going by what is seen or heard. Don't give into doubt based on what your h is doing. What can God do? Oh so much more than you can ever imagine....heal your heart, reconcile your marriage, free your h from Satan's trap, deliver his mind from selfishness. Pray these things. Speak Satan away from you, your h's mind, emotions, wants in the name of Jesus.
This is a spiritual battle...fight Satan with God's word. memorize scripture to use when Satan comes against you! Speak it out loud to Satan and see him run away from your situation.
Lefty May I call you Lefty? Well, I have to say that your husband's leaving, returning and leaving again sounds all too familiar to my own situation so long ago. Lefty, it takes any where from 2-5 years for the mlc to work up into the full blown crisis. During that time, your spouse has had many doubts about his life, where it's going, where it's not going, etc. At a point during that leading up time, he entered the first stage of the crisis called "denial". From what I have read and learned over the last 4 years, the denial stage is really the hardest stage to detect at the beginning. Your husband has left the denial stage and has been in the anger stage for a while and has now entered replay. Anger, replay, depression, and withdrawal can all occur at the same time, i.e., him bouncing back and forth. He will shed the anger once he's into full blown replay and that could be in about 6-8 mths. For now, let's just focus on the anger and replay stages. From what you have stated, yes, he basically was trying to set you up to get you to put him out. Mine did it to me the second time around and you know what? Exactly one month later the anger came out in full force. As long as you recognize his anger for what it is and do not react to it, the quicker he will lose it. He's trying to justify why he's out there and if he can get you to be nasty to him, that will set the justification up in his mind. Replay has begun and you can figure he's going to be acting like a crazy boy for a while. This "acting out" will continue until his childhood issues have all been dealt with. You know the drill, drinking, drugging, gambling, women, parties, spending sprees, etc. Anything that he thinks will make him happy. Little does he know that happiness comes from within. There's nothing you can do to help him or speed up his crisis. You will need to pick your seat on the curb and just watch the show unfold. However, there are a number of things that you can do for yourself. They are: be kind to yourself, after all, you are the prize; don't attempt to analyze his every move, comment or behavior or you will surely drive yourself insane; step back from his drama and allow him to hit bottom hard; and whatever you do, don't allow thoughts of the ow to take over your mind. She's absolutely nothing but a band aid to his little crisis. She's nothing. Okay? Continue to be a strong woman, hold your head up high and know that you are loved by everyone. You didn't break this man, therefore you can't fix him. He will have to go through the crisis, face his demons, hit bottom and float back to the surface. When he completes acceptance, he should be a mature and responsible adult male, not the man/child he's been most of his life.
BTW, when the stage of depression hits, it will be one of the darkest times of his life, but that won't be for a while. You may want to read up on depression to have a better understanding of this beast.
Lefty, we are all here for you. It is a very long journey, but a journey that you will learn more about yourself than ever before. You will be faced w/many challenges and you will need to have patience and a sense of humor in order to survive. I believe you are up to the challenge and will survive, no matter the outcome. We are all here for you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Just thought I would check in. Sounds like your doing okay. If it were me if your H called, I would say "you left? Didn't know you were gone." he he. If he blames you, oh well just agree. Say why yes it is all my fault. I would just let it go for a while and let him see for himself it isn't all you. The more you let it known it makes you angry he left or that you want him, the longer he stays gone. They always think it all is honky dorey on the other side. Till reality sinks in. I always act as if I don't care. The threats to leave...I say well go on. I don't show I care cause I show I can make it with or without him. I don't have to have him....may want him...but don't have to have. I am better then fighting with ow.....let ow make the fool of herself, the demands all of that. H will then want to dominate someone and ow may not take it too well.
Your gameplan should be to show your secure in yourself. That your strong and your capable. If he belittles you, say you gotta go. Don't listen to it. He knows it gets to you. If your not listening it will drive him batty. You don't have to listen to it and by not doing so hopefully it could change his ways a bit by not doing it. You stay on when he is nice get off when he isn't.
Anyway it sounds like from what you wrote your h is seeking what he lost or gave up. His football scholarships could be it. You know when you get to a stage of life and you wish you could of done this or that b4 and wonder....well I wonder if that is what your h is doing.
H left last April and has been seeing OW for at least a year. He was unhappy before he left, so he's been in replay for at least a year, so there's another year left? He's been bouncing back and forth for the last four months. I cannot believe he is stil in replay. His anger stage has been gone for at least a couple of months. He's been more nice than angry. So I BELIEVE he's coming to the end of replay and setting himself up for depression, if he's not already there.
I just cannot believe he'll be in replay for another six-8 months. I do believe he is full blown crisis right NOW, but another six months of replay? He moved back in November, then for a weekend in December. Decided he would move back home and try again, but his feelings for OW are still there.
The spending has been going on the last two years, the drinking has been heavy for over the last year. H really began getting unhappy when our S was born, four years ago and has slowly been building.
I really think he's getting ready to hit rock bottom and SOON!
I just posted back to snodderly and I'm rethinking where H is in his MLC hell. I think he's in all four at the same time and he's going to explode soon! Very soon. I will not get angry, I just don't have it in me. Saturday night I did not yell at my H, I was angry, but I didn't yell. My lesson is that I need to practie patience and to not get angry AGAIN!
I am secure in myself, I'll be fine either way. But, I really won't take the abuse any longer.
I haven't heard from him either, he's hiding in his hell. My H does want to come back, I know that, but he's not ready. Someone, something needs to push him over the edge and some 180's from me won't hurt either
Thank you so much for visiting me. I kind of freaked when I saw another six to eight months, but I'm okay now. I need the time to myself. Actually it would be nice if I didn't have to seem him for that long, too. Mabye I could tell him to stay away and I could tell S4 he's in the service.
Oh, and you can call me anything you'd like, just don't call me late for dinner..lol.
Snodderly, is your H back with you? Did he come out of his MLC? Do they really come out of it different? I can't imagine my H living his life the way he has been, he is a child. Tonight in the car I was telling my S something and he would reply "why?" which is what my H says, also.
I met H when he was 37 and I think he's been in MLC since then...seriously I do. My H has NEVER been happy..seriously I mean that. He's been looking for outside sources to make him happy since I met him, also.
Okay I'll quit going on and arguing, etc. Maybe I like the timeline thing as I'm a planner or should I say I like to know what's happening and what's going on.
Her problems are nothing compared to mine, yet I will keep quiet and let C do the talking...which is usually what happens anyways. C thinks she has the worst H and is so unhappy, like I said if she only knew 
