Hi mleigh, I just got your message on my thread (I was watching my Eagles beat my FIL's favorite team the Colts! Ha-Ha!!) First to what to talk to the lawyer about...I would tell him that your H has been saying he wants out of the M. You don't want that, think that you would like to try and work things out but that you want to know what you should do to protect yourself. Make sure to tell him about how he has been acting, what kind of crazy things he's been doing, late nights out where you don't know where or with whom, etc. He will be able to tell you what your best course of action is and help you to be ready if H decides to file.
As for how I was able to get through the late nights out, not showing up, hiding what she was doing on her phone etc....It wasn't easy at first. To this day I really don't think my W had an OP or even if she does now. I knew it was more about her wanting to "find" herself, her "joy" and I don't think she was the cheating type. When it would happen, I would allow myself to get angry while she wasn't around but as soon as she was, I just ignored it. Didn't ask about it. When it first started I asked and I was so hurt to hear her talk about things like all the fun she was having dancing at her co. X-mass party with other men, I decided it was easier just not to ask. Our imaginations can always come up with worse things than the truth and I also wanted so badly to save my M for my kids sake I just told myself it wasn't as bad as I thought.
It's not easy. It took me a few months before I stopped confronting her or asking where she had been or who was there. But once I decided that no matter what was happening, I would eventually find out and it wouldn't really change what I wanted...my M to be "saved", I was able to just not want to know!
Know that they expect us to care. They want to make us worry. They also want us to get angry so they can say to themselves that were the "cause" of their pain. We don't trust them. We are making up that they are doing things they're not, etc. I didn't want to give her more fuel for that fire and that also helped. I felt that I disappointed the nasty child in her who WANTED me to react, so I "won". That helped me a lot!
