TO - I'm a little late to this particular topic, but with regard to financials, once you get there, I think there's a place between joint everything and separate everything. Maybe this is what you did and I misread, but many couples will have joint accounts for all joint expenses (kids, food, housing, family vacations, etc.) and contribute monthly/weekly based on incomes to that account to cover those expenses or savings. Whoever makes more contributes more proportionately. Then whats left can go in an individual account for personal expenses (lunch out with friends, manicure, shopping for fun - basically your "fun" money) that you can spend however you want. Joint spending has to be mutually agreed upon. H and I had a rule that if it was a joint expenditure over $100 (say I saw a cute chair for the living room and wanted to get it) that we had to confirm with the other person, otherwise smaller things we did not have to check on. Having clearly defined joint money but also your own personal stash would give you some security and transparency, hopefully.
Me:30 H:29, no kids T:12, M:4 (when D was final) 12/13: "Don't think I want to be M anymore" 6/14: Separated (I move) 1/15: H filed for D 5/15: D final
Thats the only part where I would like to see a little more specific (or elaborate on) from you or the MC....
When he said H should move back.... is he talking this week? This month?
I do think you should be on a path to create that as a goal (moving back in), but I think it should be a process, and see how little things go. (maybe spend the night.... once you are comfortable, spend the weekend, etc.).
Me: 43 M: 10y S:15 ILYBINILWY 2/18/13 W moved out 2/18/13 Filed for D: 2/17/13 Got DB: 2/20/13 Got DR: 2/23/13 180 & LRT Began: 2/25/13 D Final Dec '13
I think it is reasonable to be thinking about this. Convey your concerns, that it is a pace your are comfortable with. Mainly because you don't want to fall into the same "traps" you had before BD.
Are you feeling "pressured" by this question?
BTW, I never really heard if you fully re-read DR & DB?
Me: 43 M: 10y S:15 ILYBINILWY 2/18/13 W moved out 2/18/13 Filed for D: 2/17/13 Got DB: 2/20/13 Got DR: 2/23/13 180 & LRT Began: 2/25/13 D Final Dec '13
What are your thoughts, do you view any parts differently? Or did you absorb/identify with some things differently?
Originally Posted By: T0324
I don't have DB and really didn't like DB as much as DR when I read it.
I felt the same way. However, I still put effort into reading it a couple of times.
Also, IMhO... It felt like DB actually addresses reconciliation better.
Originally Posted By: T0324
No I don't feel pressured I would love for H to be home I just don't want to make a mistake and fall into the same bad habits
How are you communicating that to H and the MC? Remember though this, your H did not yet learn to mind read
Me: 43 M: 10y S:15 ILYBINILWY 2/18/13 W moved out 2/18/13 Filed for D: 2/17/13 Got DB: 2/20/13 Got DR: 2/23/13 180 & LRT Began: 2/25/13 D Final Dec '13
Sorry for the lack of update things have been pretty busy between work and home repairs still!
I will have to recheck DB out from the library.
H and I have been struggling this last week. Trying to remember my DB principles that I have learned. I have been tested a lot and still don't know if I can overcome letting go of the past although I am really trying
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
