OW or OM...doesn't matter the gender...an affair is an affair. Period.
I really, really want to emphasize that it is not just a gay or lesbian thing. There are plenty of straight sites out there that actively encourage affairs and family break-ups because they feed into the negative mindset that the WAS are unhappy and can find "happiness" with someone else.
There is an actual site for OWs out there that really makes a DBer's stomach churn like there's no tomorrow. Those OWs post on the boards about their married men and swap techniques to draw their men away from their wives and families.
Sick stuff...really.
Yes...this is very, very hurtful. No two-ways about this.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Let's put the focus back on you and the sitch.
Originally Posted By: Jay
Afraid that i let myself down sunday - i was doing so well out in the garden on my own. She came out to talk to me (again) and mentioned that she was going out a couple of nights this week and i made the mistake of just asking casually, before i had realised what i'd said, "oh ok where to"...as you would in a normal conversation - we'd been having some nice conversations recently; - but this of course is far from normal and i let my guard slip!
R talk ensued and I validated her as best i could - I said that " I see that now, I'm sorry if I hurt you and believe me I'd do things differently now".
Why would you apologize for hurting W? Did you hurt her in any way? This does not make it okay for her to seek out other people outside of the M.
You do need to put in boundaries. Your W should not be allowed to peruse these sites or text/phone them in front of you or around the house. It is for your own protection and the family's as well. It is frankly disrespectful to you and the marriage.
Originally Posted By: Jay
If as she says she's not interested in me or a relationship with me anymore why does she do this to me? Why press my buttons like that.
People who are in an A fog tend to want to have it both ways. Have their spouse "right there" while they go off and play around. She's not thinking clearly at all. It is not ABOUT YOU. She's not deliberately pushing your buttons...it is how you react to this latest development. You are hurt and rightfully so.
I would suggest that you inform W that you no longer desire or want to hear her stories about meeting those people or exploring with other women. Again, hurtful and disrespectful to you as her H.
