Everyone was right...especially 25yrsmlc..

[trc2009]

I can tell you first hand that 25 is so right in this regard. I did my work but maybe not enough. My W did no work at all. She was just as checked out as she was when we first separated.

For anyone new to these boards. There are two things that needs to happen for two separated spouses to come back together. First, enough time needs to pass. A cooling off of sorts. And there needs to be true detachment (in my case, we have two young kids so it was impossible to completely detach. In hindsight, I wish I would have detached more). Mine lasted a little over two months. It was too soon. Secondly, both work needs to be done and both need to be willing to make a full commitment back to the marriage. If not, it will fall apart pretty quickly. In my case, I think my wife tried for a couple of months, but I could sense her doubt plain as day. Which in turn frustrated me. Which led to tension. Which led to unhappiness.....you get the idea.

Time and work. Time and work. There is no set "time." But there needs to certainly be enough time for both to do the work.