WAW of 1 year now says she wants a divorce

[newton0]

What a horrible roller-coaster, hellish year this has been trying to save my marriage & my sanity. She started out hostile & not wanting to really do much with me, to spending Valentine's day at home & being intimate to going on 8-day vacations & multiple weekend get-aways. But I could never get her to talk about the marriage. Between these always positive encounters, she would go dark, and I'd be left wondering what the hell was going on. If I didn't reach-out to her, I wouldn't hear from her. Finally in July, after inviting her to a work dinner then spending the night at her apartment. I didn't hear from her for almost 3 days, and when I called, she said she was at a party, and we could talk and do something tomorrow.

That was the last straw.

I texted her saying this wasn't working for me & that if she could not 'step-up', then I was going to start seeing other people.

I didn't hear for her for almost 2 months.

Last week I got an email asking if I was willing to work towards an amicable separation.

I called her & we spoke for almost an hour. Same old talking point on her end. She thought I wanted to see other people so she left me alone. I explained that was not my intention, and we agreed to talk more & meet on the weekend. Friday I called her & we met for dinner. Had a great time & I bought her something she had wanted for some time. She spoke about suggestions her step-father gave her for making positive changes in our marriage, and I wholly agreed. I told her I loved her & kissed her & we agreed to so something before the weekend was over.

Saturday she said she was sick, so I didn't see her.

Sunday I didn't hear from her, then when I called she said she was tired & was just going to stay home.

I was totally frustrated & told her I wasn't going to do this again. She said instead of arguing, we should just get a divorce. She said I really didn't care about her since I bought a new car & never asked her if she had enough money for food. She said that I pressured her on Friday. I said I wanted her to tell me that she wanted a divorce, and she did just that. It was the first time she had said that. I hung up the phone & that was that.

I sent her an email today telling her I was crushed and confused over her up & down behavior this last year but if she truly wants a divorce, then she needs to file.

Last night was the first time I cried since she left. I guess because I always felt there was hope based upon her behavior.

This really [censored].